lights, camera, action

In my last post I promised to be real, let go of the "perfection" and just write. So here we go...

Up until now, our blog posts have mostly revolved around our personal lives (ya know, embarrassing stories about kids, ex husbands, divorce disasters, etc.) but we've decided to expand things a bit and let our readers in on another side of our lives...the journey of writing, promoting, and ultimately, publishing, a book.  The Ex Wives' Guide to Divorce has truly been a labor of love, and after almost a year of writing, we're excited to announce the shift forward into the next phase of the game.

Last night was a first for us. Valerie and I sat in a television studio and filmed our first on camera interview. It was so cool! We got all beautified and arrived at the studio like rock stars (well, not really...but it sounds much better that way). Within ten minutes we were on the stage, getting wired with mics and adjusting ourselves to make sure the cameras would hit us on our "good sides". Our interviewer was fantastic (tthank you EW!) and once the cameras started rolling Valerie and I were in our element. It only took 2 takes (again, thank you EW!) for us to nail it. We're hoping it's exactly what our agent had in mind : )

You might be thinking...why did you do an on-camera interview? Valerie and I both have pretty bubbly personalities, and our agent requested an on-camera interview so the publishing houses we are pitching to can see the "real" Ex Wives. I think we did a pretty good job of telling our story on camera- we talked about how we met, why we wrote The Ex Wives' Guide to Divorce, and also explained why women need this book.

Once we finished shooting, Valerie and I whipped out our iPhones and started snapping pics...here are a few of my favorites! It all started with an attempted selfie with the cameras in the background...then it progressed into photo-bombing...which translated into (last pic) a selfie with an *attempted* photo bomb! The last picture just makes me LAUGH- it seriously looks like Valerie is flying through the air...priceless :) How did we ever survive without iPhones?!?!

 *poor Valerie has been battling a yucky cold...she looked pretty good for being all doped up on cough medicine!

*No Ex Wives were harmed during the making of this interview*

*SPECIAL THANKS TO C.P. and E.W. FOR MAKING THIS PRODUCTION POSSIBLE!

I have a confession...

Well hello, there. It's been a while. It's been a long while, actually...so long that I'm due for a confession.

I'm a perfectionist.

Part of the reason I have a hard time blogging consistently is because I want every post, every sentence, every paragraph to be perfect. And that's a pretty tough standard to set for yourself, especially when your goal is to write at least once a week. Rather than put myself through torture of possibly falling short, I just don't write. Because unless it's going to be a slam dunk of a post, I would rather not put it out there for the world to see.

Guess what? I'm ready to let that go.

During the process of writing The Ex Wives' Guide to Divorce I've learned a lot about myself. If you've ever written a book you know what I'm talking about. For example, I've realized that without a deadline it won't get done... and my creative juices peak between the hours of 10pm and 2am (not exactly convenient with 2 little kids, but that's what coffee is for).

Valerie and I are cut from the same cloth, and while sometimes that's a GREAT thing, there are times it paralyzes us. We both have awesome ideas, creative skills and incredible motivation. On the flip side, we both feel the need to deliver the absolute BEST in anything and everything we do. Hence the minimal blog posts. I'd bet you $20 she doesn't write as much as she wants on this blog because she's just like me (no, I haven't even mentioned this to her). We both want every post to be off the charts hilarious, clever, witty, and full of all things genius. Obviously.

We have so many exciting things in the works with our book- and some other really, really exciting things we can't even talk about yet. Eeeeeeek! The future is definitely bright for the Ex Wives...but our success wouldn't be complete without some friends to cheer us on. Writing and publishing a book is a journey, it's an experience, and it's pretty darn cool. In addition to sharing our personal stories and divorce experiences/advice, we're going to give you a sneak peek into the adventures of publishing a book. We'll even keep you in the loop on our progress. So check back with us often- instead of writing the "perfect" blog post I'm just going to keep it real. Mini victories, big victories, disappointments, failures...whatever it is, we want to be an open book for you, our readers...our cheerleaders...our supporters...our fans (oooooh, that sounds so fancy!)

xoxo Holiday
  

Snowmageddon Part II

For all of you that follow us, you know The Ex-Wives live in Atlanta.  And for all of you that don't live under a rock, you know Atlanta due to snow and ice has for the past 3 days and counting been closed / shut down for business / come back ya'll when our roads are free of that fucking white stuff.

Yes, an entire city shut down due to 2.5 inches of snow.  Not shut down due to snow specifically, but due to what the fluffy little white flakes did to the minds and roads of our beloved city:  flooded us with everyone leaving at the exact same time, put us in a literal stand still, and eventually caused many to abandon the plan (plan: Get the Hell Home!!!) and just ditch the car if it wasn't already in a ditch to skate home to loved ones.

Tuesday night will always be remembered as the night the majority of Hotlantans went old school.  Over the river and through the woods on foot to our child's school or home or to Home Depot for a night of shelter everyone went, many after 5 - 12 hours in the car for what should have been a 30 minute drive.

For the other ex-wife this was a semi-realty.  Her day kind of went like this:  Minivan in ditch, trek home by foot, pick up bottle of wine at gas station, sent an S.O.S. to (our) ex to pick up their girls, hopefully before midnight.  She states it was just a big fat sign and bigger fatter sign that her wedding that almost didn't happen 9 years ago to the day was slightly doomed.  She celebrated with humor and photos up on Facebook, some in her wedding garb.  

For this ex-wife, it is the biggest fattest reminder of what happened during Snowmageddon 1, just three years ago, and how very very (very) different my life is now.  You see three years ago, we indeed had a similar snowfall (just not smack damn in the middle of the work day with kids in school).  With everything iced over the city was also shut down for 3 days.  

So what happened to me personally besides the usual contemplation of how did I grow up in the Midwest and survive the cold for so long?  Well I was literally trapped in my old marital house with my soon to be ex-husband as we were just starting the business of divorce, as I had emphatically declared just a couple days previously after finding out what I did that is was over - take off your ring - adios and I plan on taking the piñata - I was Audi 5000.  We had already separated into different bedrooms, but only by a couple days at that point.  F-U-N with a capital "UN".  

See our house (which we were newly contemplating over how we would proceed with selling that btw was worth less than we owed thanks to being in midst of both the economy and the housing market bottoming out)  had a lower level double garage entry.  As in we had a steep curvy driveway with a straight drop down and sharp curve to get into said garage.  Further, as in, there was no way on God's frozen green earth we were getting out anytime soon.  

There I was, trapped in a house with someone you not only wanted to throw darts every time you saw them, but had to pretend for the sake of our two year old son it was business as usual.  I couldn't angrily flip the "open" sign to "closed" so I decided instead to flip out privately.  So here was the frosty overview of the last time I was snowed / iced in:

Day 1 (The 3 of us being trapped in the "marital home"):

Morning:
- Our son Liam exclaimed "Mommy - the clouds are falling!!!"  We laughed at the innocence of a 2 yr old and I cried on the inside knowing his life was about to turn upside down. 
Afternoon:
- We went sledding, made hot cocoa, and pretended we were still the fairy tale family.  I "mistakingly" steered our sled into my soon to be ex's legs at one point which caused him pain and made me smile.  But I swear it was a mistake, I swear on my love of the Green Bay Packers.  (I'm originally from Chicago…)
Evening:
- Been inside toooo long - wishing I had bought a deluxe dart set for Christmas - damn 2 yr old and so-called "safety concerns".

Day 2 (Still trapped):

Morning:

- Our neighbor who normally watched our son during the work day said he was "open" since he ran his "school" out of his house - so I piled our son in the wagon and skidded on over to his house as fast as my boots would take me.  My soon to be ex said he would have to work all day via his laptop and barricaded himself in the bedroom he was now sleeping in.  This made me both angry and happy - kind of the theme for the following 6 months we would have to reside together.

Afternoon:

- I took on the project of organizing our entire house to get ready for the impending listing.  And by took it on, I really mean slammed shit and was as dramatic as a 13yr old girl going through puberty.

Evening:

- Put son to bed early.  Decided to go through wardrobe - bad idea - I was still fat.  The divorce diet had not yet kicked in.  Took out pen and paper and wrote out my new divorce diet.  Cried myself to sleep.

Day 3 (Still trapped like a caged rabid animal without darts):

Morning:

- Skidding over to drop son off at neighbors again.  On the way home tried to purchase a dart set on amazon but my stupid gloves wouldn't push the right things on my iPhone and lost internet connection. Threw phone in snow.  It never quite recovered, nor did I.

Afternoon:

- Had a "Come to Jesus" meeting with my soon to be ex hiding, I mean working, in the guest bedroom.  Told him he HAD to get outside with a shovel RIGHT NOW and pick / dig / scrape with his bare hands all of the ice off the driveway so we could get out.  I just couldn't take being trapped in the house anymore. Plus I had run out of things to organize so I could have the illusion of control.  He was quick to grab the shovel and took him 4+ hours but our drive was ice free by the time the sun was setting. 

Evening:

- New plan, soon to be ex continue to hide, he can put our son to bed while I meet some neighborhood girlfriends to walk to a restaurant that was rumored to be open a couple blocks away (that served wine, did I mention that?).  Stopped by next door neighbors house on way back from aforementioned restaurant (they served more wine, did I mention that?).  Made scene, couldn't explain what was truly going on, went to bed sobbing so hard I had to throw my pillow out the next day.

Day 4 (Free but not "free")

Morning:

- Finally "free" - drove to Costco to get a new pillow.  Cried in car on way home while son kept saying over and over "Costco Mommy, Costco Mommy, We go to Costco Mommy!" all the while wishing someone could "dig" me out of my impending divorce situation.

Afternoon:

- Can't remember - was still in a haze from the night before (wine….) and decided to try out my new pillow and nap with my son.

Evening:

- The three of us went to dinner and acted again like nothing had happened.  Life was "back to usual" as it would be for the next 6 months while we pretended like life had not changed on the outside while simultaneously hemorrhaging on the inside with sadness.

Now this week - totally different experience for same situation of a city shut down - just three years later.  Awoke that morning to my now 5 year old son coughing his head off.  He had woken up about 4 times during the middle of the night and complained that morning of a tummy ache and was about as pleasant as Oscar the Grouch.  Let me set the record straight - my son is a sound sleeper who has NEVER missed a day of kindergarden yet for being sick.  He normally wakes up early every morning with rainbows shooting out of his ass.  Which let's me know God does indeed have a sense of humor because I am soooo not a morning person.  

For him to be so out of synch with himself, I knew I couldn't send him to school.  Lucky for me my plan was to work for a client at home, so figured keeping him home, especially if he was asking to stay home for the first time ever was the logical thing to do.  Plus there was that prediction of possible snow fall so why not.  I swear - it was like my son was some animal that senses the tsunami or earthquake coming and runs for shelter…

Day 1 (Just the 2 of us in our "rental home"):

Morning:
We were already at home when the snow started and it looked beautiful.  I was reading and Liam was no longer feeling sick (I think Sesame Street helped with that).  We simultaneously caught the shimmer only the first few snowflakes can magically produce.  He jumped up at screamed "Can we go sledding??  It's BEAUTIFUL Mommy!!!"  And I exclaimed "I want to get some things organized so maybe after?!?  Yay!" But I didn't see yay in his eyes as I started to make out my list of everything and anything to organize.  Then I realize NO.  In fact a HELL NO.  The next couple days will be spent playing and watching movies and creating memories.  If I get a couple "To Do's" knocked off my list - great!  If I don't oh well.  I WILL NOT RE-LIVE the forced activities of Snowmageddon I - for Pete's sake this was Snowmageddon II, and even though the City of Atlanta learned nothing from the first shut down 3 years ago I sure as heck did.
Afternoon:
We go sledding down Mr. Steve's steep drive, hang out with neighbors swapping tales of the last time it snowed this much (see above - I won), talked to everyone walking up the street that had to ditch their cars, made snow angels (my son went face first - this is how I truly know he is a Southerner - didn't understand snow angels are best done on your back…), and only went inside when we all wanted hot chocolate.  I just happened to have a full canister along with 2 cartons of Almond milk.  Score Me - 1, Score Snowmageddon II - 0
Evening:
Made 2 batches of hot chocolate  and went to sleep with perma-grin.  Suffered from acid reflux all night from Hot Chocolate and would do it all over again.  Best.  Day.  Ever.

Day 2 (School cancelled, streets still sheets of ice):

Morning:
Wake up to Liam running into my room exclaiming "Happy Snow Day Mommy!"  
Afternoon:
Sledding down Bunky Hill all afternoon in our neighborhood.  About 15 adults and 40 kids from our neighborhood out there.  F-U-N.  We put the F' Yeah!  in F-U-N.
Evening:
Got a phone call from my brother that his wife was feeling labor pains and that my niece would be here any day.  Went to sleep with prema-grin again.  Best.  Day.  Ever.  Again.

Day 3 (School still cancelled, streets still sheets of ice):

Morning:
Wake up to Liam exclaiming "There's No School Again Mommy - Happy Snow Day!!!"
Afternoon:
See above…  Repeat.
Evening:
See above only this time I got a text from my brother that his wife was in labor and that my niece would be here tonight.  Went to sleep with prema-grin again.  Best.  Day.  Ever.  Again.

So I'm pretty sure day 4 (hopefully the last day!) will be just as good if not "gooder" - and yes I know that is not a word but neither is Snowmageddon and everyone keeps saying that - so just go with it.  

I keep saying it throughout my blog posts…  but time does heal.  And it does help to be trapped in a house with someone you actually don't want to throw darts at, especially if there is no way you are getting out for a couple days. 

Bring on the snow, bring on the ice, and bring on anything you got to keep me near or in my home Mother Nature.  Because I am resilient and I have a shovel.  Most importantly I am someone who doesn't need anyone else to dig me out of this situation, as I will cherish these new snowstorm sized memories for years to come.

- Valerie (of H and V)

Twas the night before my {would be} wedding...9 years ago...

My minivan is stuck in a ditch, I'm eating spaghetti, watching the Bachelor wedding (thanks DVR) and drinking the wine I bought from the gas station during my WALK home.

Oh, and did I mention I'm wearing my wedding dress? And veil?

No, I'm not kidding.

Today could best be described as Groundhog Day meets The Perfect Storm. So I figured go big or go home. Just put the damn dress on, Holiday...
 
Exactly 9 years ago today I was the Bride...to be. That is, of course, until an ice storm hit Atlanta and shut down the entire city.

I will never forget my rehearsal dinner at the Spaghetti Warehouse. Don't ask. No, really...just leave it alone. Our guests were whispering over pasta and garlic rolls, all huddled in a corner, clearly discussing something rather important.

"So, Holiday...what's our plan B for tomorrow?"

"I'm sorry...what do you mean, plan B?????"

I saw the look of fear spread on their faces. I had absolutely NO CLUE. It was obvious. Someone had to tell me.

"Well, honey, there's an ice storm coming through Atlanta tonight...and while it's probably no big deal we should probably have a plan B." This, coming from my wedding planner, who is by far one of the coolest, calmest people on the planet.

PLAN B? REALLY?!?!
THERE IS NO PLAN B.
I AM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW.

Yeah. Turns out I was WRONG. I was not getting married tomorrow. Little did I know, the ICE GODS had something different in mind and froze over the entire city. That was January 28, 2005.

Today is January 28, 2014. Exactly 9 years later. And guess what? The ice gods have spoken AGAIN. I'm pretty sure this day has a giant ice cloud hovering over it.

9 years ago tonight I dreamed of a fairy tale life...the perfect husband, a picture perfect wedding, and a house with a white picket fence. Okay, maybe not so much the white picket fence but you get the idea. If someone gave me a crystal ball and told me in 9 years I would be divorced, writing a book with my ex husbands' first ex wife, and driving a MINIVAN I would have laughed in your face.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "You plan and God laughs"? Yep, God is pretty much having a field day with me. I swear I couldn't make this up if I tried.

So when I woke up to snow this morning I just laughed. Of course it was snowing...I mean, really, why wouldn't it be? I left my house as soon as I got the message school was closing.

Within five minutes my minivan was sliding all over the road. Looking ahead I realized I wasn't going ANYWHERE. There were 8 school buses in front of me, none of which could make it up  the hill we were facing. Lovely. This is awesome. Patience, Holiday, patience...

Fast forward 3 hours. I called the ex husband and told him there was no way I was making it to school. The road my neighborhood is on is one lane each way with very steep hills. NO ONE WAS GOING ANYWHERE.

I turned the minivan around and BAM. Just like that I ended up in a ditch. The minivan was practically vertical and I knew I was stuck. Having listened to my father as a child, I knew how important it was to be prepared. I was wearing UGG boots and had my ski jacket in the car along with a fuzzy hat and gloves. I started the long walk home.

Thankfully I made it home safely (with a bottle of wine tucked in my Louis Vuitton bag courtesy of the gas station). As I was walking through the snow I couldn't help but laugh. What a funny, crazy, wild day. Reflecting on the last 9 years make me smile but also made me cry.

What is it about being a bride that makes women crazy? Is it the veil? I dunno. I'm wearing mine right now and I feel more normal than ever. Maybe it's the crazy expectation that everything will be perfect? Or perhaps the veil blinds us from what we really want to see. What we really need to see. I think that might be worthy of it's own blog post one day :)

I can honestly say that 9 years later I have clarity. More clarity than ever. My sister (and Maid of Honor) would not take no for answer when she called me via face time tonight. We laughed uncontrollably as she took pictures of me in this ridiculous get up. We reminisced about what would have been/should have been my wedding night turned-girl's night IN at our hotel. That night I was surrounded by the family and friends I love most. The people I will love, no matter what, till death do us part.

Tonight I've experienced what some might describe as a full-circle moment. Sitting here in my wedding dress, eating spaghetti, snowed in thanks to an ice storm...but this time I'm alone.The funny thing is I don't feel alone at all. I actually feel pretty awesome.

Cheers to the next 9 years!
xoxo Holiday
p.s. the dress is way too big for me now...just another perk of trying this sucker on 9 years later :)

 

what would an embarrassing moment like this be without a #selfie?!?! Here ya go...

What I Know For Sure

My mom gave me a subscription to the Oprah magazine for Christmas. Never really thought of myself as an Oprah kind of girl, but hey, maybe it's a sign she thinks of me a mature woman rather than a boy-crazy teenager...finally.

With my new years resolution of eliminating trashy gossip magazines from my budget, I decided to give it a shot. My first issue arrived yesterday and I delivered it straight to my bathroom. TMI? Sorry guys...I promised to be genuine in my posts : )

In the midst of the wild raucous routine we call bedtime, I snuck away and locked myself in the bathroom for 10 minutes. Just me and Oprah. Phew. I flipped through the pages and stumbled on an article with the headline: 5 Things I Know For Sure. If this writer's list was good enough for Oprah then surely it was good enough for me. So I read it. 

While reading this woman's list I realized there are several things I know for sure. Rather than ramble on about how great pizza is or how much I know Britney Spears should knock Madonna out of her "Queen of Pop" title, I decided to narrow this down to 5 Things I know for Sure about DIVORCE.

Here we go...

1. A bad ass attorney is worth her (or his) weight in gold. Think you can't afford one? You can't afford to NOT have one. 
2. Friends show their true colors during divorce.
3. The emotional roller coaster is exhausting but necessary. Allow yourself to go through each stage- cry, beat the crap out of your pillow, take advantage of unlimited cell phone minutes with girlfriends, whatever you need to do to process. Burying your feelings and emotions just make it worse...and ultimately prolongs your recovery.
4. Prayer works. Anytime, every time, all the time. God has your back. No matter what.
5. The grass can be greener. 

We want to know what YOU know for sure...leave us a comment!

xoxo Holiday 
 

New Year, New Beginnings

Happy New Year everyone!

As you can see, our blog has received a much needed makeover...thank you to Melanie from tinkerbdesigns for working her magic on this!

We survived the holiday season complete with visits from family, parties with friends and stir crazy kids bouncing off the walls thanks to sugar overload...phew. We even celebrated the last night of Christmas break with a girls' night in. Valerie and I had a blast jamming to Britney Spears (we are somewhat obsessed with her new single Work B%$&) and recovered on the couch Sunday afternoon watching Bride Wars (ironic, huh?). Good times :)

The new year is always a time for reflection, but don't get stuck in the past. Instead, take a minute to think about what your DREAM life will be in 2014. Maybe your life resembled more of a nightmare in 2013...now is the time to make changes and design your dream. Channel your inner Oprah and write down your goals and your VISION for 2014. If you're feeling extra creative make yourself a poster. I've been collecting old magazines and have "goal poster" on my things to do this week (I'm kind of a dork like that!)

As the Ex Wives, our VISION for 2014 is clear. We want to share our stories, lessons learned, and ultimately, our book, with women all over the world. Our mission is to empower women and give them the tools they need to survive divorce, complete with tears, laughter and everything in between.

Cheers to 2014!

xoxo Holiday

A Waffle House Christmas

Goodbyes suck, but saying goodbye on Christmas really really sucks. This is the third year I've had to kiss my kids goodbye on Christmas and I'm beginning to wonder if it will ever feel anything less than shitty. Sorry for the language but this is me being 100% real.

Last year I cried from 8pm Christmas eve until 2pm Christmas Day when my girls arrived on my doorstep. I was an emotional TRAIN WRECK. Looking back I feel kind of guilty for being such a Debbie Downer. Thankfully I was with people who loved me (sobbing tears and all), but still, I can only imagine sharing what should have been a celebrated morning with a crying lunatic of a woman (yes, that would be me.)

This year I was excited to have the girls for Christmas Eve and the whole morning with Santa shenanigans. Of course they wanted to talk to their daddy last night and I could tell by his voice he was sad and missing them. I don't care how long you've been separated, divorced, whatever...the pain of missing your kids doesn't really go away. Or maybe it does, and I just haven't reached that point yet.

Santa arrived with a ridiculous amount of toys, breakfast consisted of bacon, carbs and cookies, and everyone was happy. The family room resembled an American Girl war zone and while I did my best to clean up as they were ripping open presents, I decided to let it go. My phone was buzzing with text messages, Facebook notifications, and voice mails from family and friends. I ignored all of them because the clock was ticking. I knew I had a limited amount of time with my girls before it was time to say goodbye. Nothing was more important than cherishing this Christmas morning.

Even though they were exhausted, whining and practically killing each other by the time their daddy came to pick them up, I didn't want to let them go. The dark cloud of loneliness was hovering over my head and I just wanted an umbrella to shield my heart. The doorbell rang and I took a deep breath. "Holiday, you need a break...this isn't the end of the world" I repeated to myself. But no avail. The lump crawled into my throat and I choked back tears. As I buckled their car seats and kissed them goodbye I made the walk of shame with my head held low (faaaaarrr different from the collegiate one).

Here comes the shitty part. I walked into the family room, sat down on my couch, and cried (it was the ugly kind). Piles of toys were painful reminders of what was ultimately over. My family Christmas. In what seemed like a flash, the morning was over and my girls were gone.

If you know me personally you're well aware of my flair for the dramatic. Just last week my mom and I watched The Holiday and she giggled as Kate Winslet sobbed inconsolably over her kitchen sink. "Holiday, she reminds me of you!" Thanks Mom...I guess? If you've seen the movie you know the scene...and that was kind of me this morning.

Thankfully this is third time I've experienced this so there were a few things in my favor: 1) I knew it was coming 2) I knew any attempt to fight or deny myself the pity party would be a failure and ultimately postpone the inevitable and 3) I knew I had to get out of my house.

As the leading lady of my own life, I'm happy to announce there is, indeed, a love interest. He invited me to join him (and his children) for Christmas dinner, and I was happy to accept the invitation. Besides the fact that I absolutely love hanging out with them, it was nice to know I had somewhere to go tonight (if you're going through this process always always always plan ahead for times like this so you aren't alone). I was welcomed with big hugs, kisses, and presents.

And then we went to the Waffle House.

Yes. We went to the Waffle House for Christmas. Although it wouldn't have been my dinner location of choice, I quickly realized this was their sacred family tradition. Because, he, too, understands the pain and silence of an empty house, and, well, the Waffle House is pretty much the only restaurant open on Christmas day. Surrounded again by bacon and carbs, I embraced their tradition and ordered a Coke. A real one.

Even though I knew the evening would end with me returning to an empty, quiet house, my heart was full and the lump in my throat was gone. Maybe it was the bacon. Maybe it was something more. Whatever it is I realize Christmas isn't what it used to be anymore...and as sad as that can be I'm also learning time can heal most wounds. The pain of saying goodbye might never go away, but hopefully the empty house part will.

As I sit here solo, enjoying a glass of wine and Skittles, I can only imagine what 2014 has in store for me.

xoxo, Holiday