Hello again. It has been a while since you have last heard from the Ex-Wives.
No - we didn't decide that all this putting ourself out there was just too much for the ego to handle so we stopped.
No - we didn't get in some huge "cat fight" (although some might figure how could two exes to the same man get along, as in continue to get along, as in really?!?).
Lastly no - we didn't win the lottery and say screw helping people by being real, time to spend our days on a real mission to buy every pair of shoes in the new SJP line at Nordstroms' to help ourselves and our calves look miles longer!!! Although if this last lottery scenario were to happen, to either one of us, we warn you it would be rather tempting…
I think it has been a while since you have seen a post from either one of us because life has changed. For both of us really, but we are going to shine the spotlight one one particular Ex-Wife who has had more than a couple MAJOR life changing events happen.
My life - well let's just say I've been living in a comedy of sorts. But this post is not about me and my update in the next coming weeks will be sure to make you laugh and be glad you aren't me.
Within the last 10 months Holiday has met "the one", dizzily dated in the land of happiness, is engaged, moving her family in less than a week, and getting married this month. Yes - life indeed has been a fast track of happiness in the Happily Ever After department for her.
I'm sure Holiday has mixed feelings with sharing this with all of you, so I've decided to do it for her as a sort of wedding present. What do you get the girl that already has every brightly colored monogrammed item (no really - look at the presents she has been posting on her Facebook wall…), a fiancé who both supports and loves her, and a new extended family that is both photogenic to the eyes and more importantly making a life long imprint on her heart? Well you give her a blog post.
I say mixed feelings because Holiday really does believe in marriage. Writing and blogging on divorce would deem one naturally to think that we don't believe in marriage or are anti-marriage. Wrong -o. We believe in being SMART and ORGANIZED during a divorce and investing in yourself as well as your future. That also rings true of being single, being divorced, being married, and so on - the woman who invests in herself, invests in all those she is connected to.
We believe that just because your union blessed by God, The Universe, Oprah, or whatever you believe in wasn't meant to be, doesn't mean that there isn't a better union out there waiting for you at some point. Even if that means you are contemplating, going through, or are officially divorced, it will all be okay and play out the way it should - we promise you. The silver lining many times involves a double lining for most again down the road.
Holiday didn't want to be divorced, nor did she ever dream her children would be a part of a two household family. In fact, at first it was an absolute nightmare to her. She thrives when she is loving and supporting her inner circle of immediate family, so naturally she was lost for a while. During and after her divorce she found her circle was now a dot, with other dots close by, just no longer connected. And nobody wants to re-connect dots once they have already seen the full picture.
But luckily Holiday realized her old dot to connected dot picture needed reconnecting. Let's just say instead of a circle, her old picture was more of a "hex"agon with a flanking octagon (a.k.a. stop sign). Sure - parts of it externally were the full picture, but certainly not internally. And I think anyone who has ever divorced can tell you that exact moment they experienced the feeling of being Cinderella and choosing to instead flick off the other glass slipper into the damn footman's head and run barefoot as fast as you can and to a land far far away from the supposed fairytale gone wrong.
So I think, if I am guessing here but probably hitting the nail on the head, Holiday feels caught between two lives right now. Her eyes and heart are on a woman who is facing, affected by, and entering a married life - her new life. Her mission and memories are tied to a woman who has dedicated her life to helping women facing, affected by, entering, or going through a divorce life - her old life.
She will always be an "Ex-Wife" to someone, and that will not change just because she is about to be a "Wife" to someone else. Even as she enters this marriage, I know just how qualified she is to be both titles. The most inspiring thing about Holiday - even though she is on cloud 9 right now (okay maybe on cloud 8 but after the move can jump clouds to number 9…), she is still ready, willing, and able to help anyone in need of guidance during the divorce process. Yep - that's our girl.
So I've written her a list of things to remember and remember and remember again as she runs rings around her new "Circle of Trust" and enters marriage with the one she believes God sent to her:
- When you live your life from a center of love, it's somehow always going to be alright.
- Make sure to always listen to your intuition. If that's not speaking loud enough then listen to me.
- Never forget the clouds - sometimes you need the shade in order to appreciate just how special sunshine really is.
- When you feel overwhelmed meditate. When that doesn't work we'll drink a bottle of wine.
- Never go to bed angry. Smartest thing my Grandmother ever taught me from her 40+ year marriage.
- Buy this book. And don't blush when doing it. Think this could save millions of marriages. http://www.amazon.com/101-Nights-Great-Sex-Anticipation/dp/0962962872/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1402270378&sr=8-1&keywords=100+nights+of+great+sex
- Don't lose yourself. Ever. For anybody.
- Make smart financial decisions together and always lay dibs on anything from Pottery Barn.
- Communicate openly and communicate honestly from a place of wanting to improve not prove.
- When you have the choice to be right or kind, be kind. Unless he's just totally wrong.
- With an "equator" (as you lovingly refer to your fiancé) your highs and lows will always be brought back to the middle - and this my friend is priceless.
I wish you the Happily Ever After you have dreamed of and deserve - however I charge you to always be your own heroine. Going into this marriage I know you are wiser, gentler, and pointing your compass north towards "His" warmth.
"Storms make trees take deeper roots." - Dolly Parton
With Love,
Valerie (The Other Ex-Wife)
