That's right...I'm officially ditching reality for a week and trading it for some time in Florida with my kids. And my mom. It's Mother's Day weekend, and for the past 9 years (yep, my oldest just turned NINE) Mother's Day has only felt complete when I could be with my mom. Last month during a last minute trip home (again, escaping reality) I realized life was just too short to miss another Mother's Day without her.
I can't help but reflect back on my first Mother's Day. I was "happily" married, exhausted, recovering from a c-section, bloated and overwhelmed with this idea of being a mom. My daughter had just been born (she's an April baby), so I had only been in the trenches of mommyhood for a few weeks. Regardless of the exhaustion, she did have an adorable sailor outfit courtesy of Gymboree (hello, cutest baby clothes ever!)
Can you see the look on my face? I'm so happy but so tired...my cheeks were so chubby you can barely see my smile...but oh, that outfit...!
I remember thinking/worrying...
How in the world am I ever going to pull this off?
What if I screw her up? I want her to be happy...
How can I be the best mommy and still take care of myself?
Where does being a wife fit in to being a mom?
How am I going to take care of my husband AND this baby?
and then here's the kicker...this was my greatest fear (and also the thought that launched me into counseling...)
WHAT IF WE GET DIVORCED?
It wasn't like I thought about this all the time, but I would be lying if I didn't admit this fear circled my brain on a regular basis. Having come from parents who divorced after 22 years, the reality of staying married "forever" was broken the day my mom and dad told me they were splitting up. Rightfully so. They seemed perfect for each other. 22 years and an awesome family- what more could you want? Now that I'm a mother (and an adult, who's been through a divorce herself), I understand. I can see the big picture.
I remember my first counseling session like it was yesterday. I remember it so clearly, sitting on her couch, breaking down into tears. "My biggest fear is that I will end up divorced."
She looked at me with a gentle smile and said, "Okay...let's talk about that..."
So we did. For many years.
She helped me realize that divorce was not the end of the world. She reassured me that even if divorce "happened", I would be okay. My daughter would be okay. And the world would continue to turn. Seven years (and another baby) later, tucked away in my gigantic master bedroom closet, I made the call to her...I was leaving.
I don't remember my first Mother's Day as a single mom. I really don't. In fact I'm pretty sure I blocked it out. But what I do know is that the world has continued to turn, my girls are better than great, and life is good. Far from perfect, but definitely good. Now I am happily celebrating Mother's Day as both a mom and a step-mom, and I am surrounded by people I love on a daily basis. Married, divorced, single, or "it's complicated" doesn't really matter.
I hope the stories Valerie and I share with you through this blog will be a source of encouragement, a little twinkling of light to represent what will be a bright future for you. Maybe you're in the midst of divorce, preparing to face your first Mother's Day without your husband...maybe you're mourning the loss of your mother, or the death of your marriage. Maybe your mother is crazy and your life is a train wreck...
Whatever it may be, let me save you a hefty counseling bill...you're going to be okay.
This Mother's Day embrace the life you are living today. Like Valerie said in her last post...put the nail in the coffin and move on. Hug your babies. Call your mom. Do something you love.
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| Life is Good! |
