In our last post Holiday boldly declared that she and I have a certain disease. We would like to thank all of you for your prayers and concerns during this trying time as we seek treatment.
The disease of "Perfectionism" is one often mis-diagnosed as "If Only I Drink More Caffiene I Can Get It All Done by 1a.m.ism" (Holiday's closest diagnosis) or my personal favorite "Martha Stewart Wannabeism" (My current diagnosis). But seriously… we both know we have a problem and are working on it.
Just today I wanted to make an inspirational collage in order to prep myself for writing my new blog entry, but literally slapped the scissors out of my own hands screaming at myself "Valerie stop putting the cart before the horse dammit!!!". Not sure why I referred to myself in 3rd person, or thought making a collage of inspirational quotes would help me write better, (or the more important question why I thought writing was the "horse" and a collage was the "cart", I know totally random) but I did. Then I stopped. Then I poured a glass of wine and chilled the hell out. Then I wrote this in less than an hour.
Lately I have been happy. Reallllly happy. This has served as my mostly successful treatment so far for "Perfectionism".
You know the kind of happy I'm talking about - the kind that is normally only reserved for the best kind of new love, or really good sex, or a reallllllly good shoe sale. Where you are standing in line for groceries, and people are staring at you, and you think it's because they see you glowing from the outside in, but then suddenly you realize it's because you have blue toothpaste on the white t-shirt you are wearing (inside out as a side note) smeared all over your left boob. You are so preoccupied with the non-stop runaway train of happy thoughts tunneling through your head you didn't even notice or care the past 10 hours you have been wearing an inside out, tartar control crusted ensemble since you brushed your teeth. Come on, you know it's happened to you too because I know there is a DSW (Designer Shoe Warehouse) where shoes are always on sale in like every town in good ol' US of A.
And that's been me lately - not because of any of the three reasons stated above - unless new love refers to the way it feels when you are helping women who need only the kind of help and advice you can give. As someone who has been there, done that, and owns a closet full of "I got divorced and all I got is this lousy t-shirt" t-shirts. But instead of me getting stared at by strangers in a white t-shirt inside out, it was black leggings that even Good Will wouldn't take that has a gaping hole where the stitching has given out by the waistband and had not just blue but what appeared to be neon play dough smeared all over my right pant butt cheek. I have a 5 year old, stuff like that happens. A lot.
With all of the crazy positive changes going on in the lives of The Ex-Wives, I just can't stop smiling. Every time I turn on the radio that catchy song 'Happy' by Pharrell Williams is playing, and I feel like it's playing just for me. Everywhere I go birds are singing, and I feel like they're singing just for me. Every time I open my mailbox I am getting a postcard about "Double Points Month" or $10 off Birthday Coupons for DSW, and I know it's just for me (well that one because it's addressed with my name on it…).
I don't want to let go of this happy and I don't want to revert back to my old ways of thinking the bottom is going to fall out at any given moment. Because that is exactly how I felt in each and every one of my marriages. If I could have just been a little more "perfect" maybe one of my exes would have loved me a little more. I was consumed with trying to be perfect, because my marriages were farrrrrr from perfect (or happy for that matter). As in if you could hear some of the stories your mouths would drop and you would feel so bad for me you would give me your DSW coupon because you know you are allowed to combine more than one coupon there even on their super twice a year shoe clearance (It's true!!!!).
My 5 year old doesn't care if I'm perfect - hell he thinks perfect is when I let him eat a cookie for breakfast or when we wear pajamas all day. But you better bet he cares and notices if I'm happy. None of my friends care if I'm perfect - in fact they have been laughing for years at my imperfections which make me who I am. And laughing at me makes them happy, which in turn makes me happy. And if I am not happy, then watch out, because damn if my friends aren't going to pull out all the stops to bring a smile to my face (disco balls and wind machines have made frequent appearances as well as voo doo dolls….). My clients are wonderful and expect me to help them organize, but never "perfect" their homes or lives, which makes me even happier because I am a really crappy driller and if they ever really looked closely at the shelves I am putting up in their closets for them I am putting tons of extra holes in their dry wall.
And I challenge ALL OF YOU to find this happy. What we look for we often times seek - so stop looking at all that stuff that is only going to make you incredibly un-happy. Because if you close your eyes, and instead open your heart, you might join in on my tune. It's amazing what you might see, or where more importantly you might find yourself. My guess is somewhere that people don't give a damn about being perfect. Most likely you'll "Feel like a room without a roof-a".
I'm not letting go of this new found "Happy". This new happy is when a friend of a friend's co-worker calls me because she heard I was one of "The Ex-Wives" and is a "Divorce Expert" of sorts. This new happy is when I know deep down in my soul that God gave Holiday and I the ability to write, oh yeah and the same ex-husband, so that we could help millions of women with our book, our good energy, and our ability to help you get your groove back. This new happy is where I'm singing along as loud as I can not quite in-tune with my sunroof down through the Starbucks drive-through lined up 10 deep with cars because I know "What happiness means to you - hey hey hey".
Because if I am vulnerable enough to admit all the mistakes I have made, and do so to help others, I'd say I am doing just fine. Further, if I continue to put my everything into helping get rid of the stigmata that accompanies divorce or being a single mother, then life is better than fine it's good. In fact it is better than good, I'd say it is HAPPY. And if I didn't let 3 ex-husbands stand in my way of happiness, I am sure as hell not going to let "Perfectionism".
Love,
V (Valerie)
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
lights, camera, action
In my last post I promised to be real, let go of the "perfection" and just write. So here we go...
Up until now, our blog posts have mostly revolved around our personal lives (ya know, embarrassing stories about kids, ex husbands, divorce disasters, etc.) but we've decided to expand things a bit and let our readers in on another side of our lives...the journey of writing, promoting, and ultimately, publishing, a book. The Ex Wives' Guide to Divorce has truly been a labor of love, and after almost a year of writing, we're excited to announce the shift forward into the next phase of the game.
Last night was a first for us. Valerie and I sat in a television studio and filmed our first on camera interview. It was so cool! We got all beautified and arrived at the studio like rock stars (well, not really...but it sounds much better that way). Within ten minutes we were on the stage, getting wired with mics and adjusting ourselves to make sure the cameras would hit us on our "good sides". Our interviewer was fantastic (tthank you EW!) and once the cameras started rolling Valerie and I were in our element. It only took 2 takes (again, thank you EW!) for us to nail it. We're hoping it's exactly what our agent had in mind : )
You might be thinking...why did you do an on-camera interview? Valerie and I both have pretty bubbly personalities, and our agent requested an on-camera interview so the publishing houses we are pitching to can see the "real" Ex Wives. I think we did a pretty good job of telling our story on camera- we talked about how we met, why we wrote The Ex Wives' Guide to Divorce, and also explained why women need this book.
Once we finished shooting, Valerie and I whipped out our iPhones and started snapping pics...here are a few of my favorites! It all started with an attempted selfie with the cameras in the background...then it progressed into photo-bombing...which translated into (last pic) a selfie with an *attempted* photo bomb! The last picture just makes me LAUGH- it seriously looks like Valerie is flying through the air...priceless :) How did we ever survive without iPhones?!?!
Up until now, our blog posts have mostly revolved around our personal lives (ya know, embarrassing stories about kids, ex husbands, divorce disasters, etc.) but we've decided to expand things a bit and let our readers in on another side of our lives...the journey of writing, promoting, and ultimately, publishing, a book. The Ex Wives' Guide to Divorce has truly been a labor of love, and after almost a year of writing, we're excited to announce the shift forward into the next phase of the game.
Last night was a first for us. Valerie and I sat in a television studio and filmed our first on camera interview. It was so cool! We got all beautified and arrived at the studio like rock stars (well, not really...but it sounds much better that way). Within ten minutes we were on the stage, getting wired with mics and adjusting ourselves to make sure the cameras would hit us on our "good sides". Our interviewer was fantastic (tthank you EW!) and once the cameras started rolling Valerie and I were in our element. It only took 2 takes (again, thank you EW!) for us to nail it. We're hoping it's exactly what our agent had in mind : )
You might be thinking...why did you do an on-camera interview? Valerie and I both have pretty bubbly personalities, and our agent requested an on-camera interview so the publishing houses we are pitching to can see the "real" Ex Wives. I think we did a pretty good job of telling our story on camera- we talked about how we met, why we wrote The Ex Wives' Guide to Divorce, and also explained why women need this book.
Once we finished shooting, Valerie and I whipped out our iPhones and started snapping pics...here are a few of my favorites! It all started with an attempted selfie with the cameras in the background...then it progressed into photo-bombing...which translated into (last pic) a selfie with an *attempted* photo bomb! The last picture just makes me LAUGH- it seriously looks like Valerie is flying through the air...priceless :) How did we ever survive without iPhones?!?!
*poor Valerie has been battling a yucky cold...she looked pretty good for being all doped up on cough medicine!
 |
| *No Ex Wives were harmed during the making of this interview* |
*SPECIAL THANKS TO C.P. and E.W. FOR MAKING THIS PRODUCTION POSSIBLE!
Thursday, March 13, 2014
I have a confession...
Well hello, there. It's been a while. It's been a long while, actually...so long that I'm due for a confession.
I'm a perfectionist.
Part of the reason I have a hard time blogging consistently is because I want every post, every sentence, every paragraph to be perfect. And that's a pretty tough standard to set for yourself, especially when your goal is to write at least once a week. Rather than put myself through torture of possibly falling short, I just don't write. Because unless it's going to be a slam dunk of a post, I would rather not put it out there for the world to see.
Guess what? I'm ready to let that go.
During the process of writing The Ex Wives' Guide to Divorce I've learned a lot about myself. If you've ever written a book you know what I'm talking about. For example, I've realized that without a deadline it won't get done... and my creative juices peak between the hours of 10pm and 2am (not exactly convenient with 2 little kids, but that's what coffee is for).
Valerie and I are cut from the same cloth, and while sometimes that's a GREAT thing, there are times it paralyzes us. We both have awesome ideas, creative skills and incredible motivation. On the flip side, we both feel the need to deliver the absolute BEST in anything and everything we do. Hence the minimal blog posts. I'd bet you $20 she doesn't write as much as she wants on this blog because she's just like me (no, I haven't even mentioned this to her). We both want every post to be off the charts hilarious, clever, witty, and full of all things genius. Obviously.
We have so many exciting things in the works with our book- and some other really, really exciting things we can't even talk about yet. Eeeeeeek! The future is definitely bright for the Ex Wives...but our success wouldn't be complete without some friends to cheer us on. Writing and publishing a book is a journey, it's an experience, and it's pretty darn cool. In addition to sharing our personal stories and divorce experiences/advice, we're going to give you a sneak peek into the adventures of publishing a book. We'll even keep you in the loop on our progress. So check back with us often- instead of writing the "perfect" blog post I'm just going to keep it real. Mini victories, big victories, disappointments, failures...whatever it is, we want to be an open book for you, our readers...our cheerleaders...our supporters...our fans (oooooh, that sounds so fancy!)
xoxo Holiday
I'm a perfectionist.
Part of the reason I have a hard time blogging consistently is because I want every post, every sentence, every paragraph to be perfect. And that's a pretty tough standard to set for yourself, especially when your goal is to write at least once a week. Rather than put myself through torture of possibly falling short, I just don't write. Because unless it's going to be a slam dunk of a post, I would rather not put it out there for the world to see.
Guess what? I'm ready to let that go.
During the process of writing The Ex Wives' Guide to Divorce I've learned a lot about myself. If you've ever written a book you know what I'm talking about. For example, I've realized that without a deadline it won't get done... and my creative juices peak between the hours of 10pm and 2am (not exactly convenient with 2 little kids, but that's what coffee is for).
Valerie and I are cut from the same cloth, and while sometimes that's a GREAT thing, there are times it paralyzes us. We both have awesome ideas, creative skills and incredible motivation. On the flip side, we both feel the need to deliver the absolute BEST in anything and everything we do. Hence the minimal blog posts. I'd bet you $20 she doesn't write as much as she wants on this blog because she's just like me (no, I haven't even mentioned this to her). We both want every post to be off the charts hilarious, clever, witty, and full of all things genius. Obviously.
We have so many exciting things in the works with our book- and some other really, really exciting things we can't even talk about yet. Eeeeeeek! The future is definitely bright for the Ex Wives...but our success wouldn't be complete without some friends to cheer us on. Writing and publishing a book is a journey, it's an experience, and it's pretty darn cool. In addition to sharing our personal stories and divorce experiences/advice, we're going to give you a sneak peek into the adventures of publishing a book. We'll even keep you in the loop on our progress. So check back with us often- instead of writing the "perfect" blog post I'm just going to keep it real. Mini victories, big victories, disappointments, failures...whatever it is, we want to be an open book for you, our readers...our cheerleaders...our supporters...our fans (oooooh, that sounds so fancy!)
xoxo Holiday
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)