#blending #truth

Yesterday my husband and I celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary. I'm not gonna lie...this has not been the easiest 2 years of my life. I could sugar coat things and paint a perfect picture by selectively sharing and posting nothing but the good things, but when it comes to writing this blog I'm committed to being 100% honest. Blending a family is no joke, and if I'm being perfectly honest, I understand now why they say almost all second marriages fail. We did our best to prepare ourselves for what was coming, but nothing can truly prepare you for blending a family. Not even a Brady Bunch marathon.

The truth is this: blending hurts. After all, who wants to be dumped in a plastic pitcher with razor sharp knife blades and get turned on high until everything is mixed together perfectly? No thanks.

Going through the process of divorce, dating again, and now, being married again, has been quite an eye-opening experience. Through this journey I have learned so much about myself...I have even become aware of many faults {gasp...I am sooo far from perfect}.

Moving into the role of stepmother completely rocked my world...and not because they aren't amazing kids (because I really couldn't have asked for better "step" kids)...but mostly because somewhere along the line I lost my identity. It's like you're a mom, but not really...and you're a friend, but not really...and then you're somewhere in limbo and have absolutely no idea what will happen next (think the Mad Hatter's Tea Cup ride at Disney World)...Again, nothing can really prepare you for the role of stepmother...you just have to dive in and keep swimming.

And just when you think you can't take it anymore, something magical happens...

They tell you they love you. They show an act of kindness. They give you a hug or cuddle with you on the couch. They open up to you or confide in you. They say a prayer for you. They may even take out the trash without being asked or empty the dishwasher just for fun (okaaay...maybe that's pushing it...) And just like that all the pain, all the hurt, all the tears, the frustration, the feelings of defeat...all of it disappears. And in that moment you are reminded of all of the GOOD that comes from this painful process known as blending.

Our "blended" family has given me so much more than I could have ever experienced on my own. My daughters have a big brother and sister they look up to and admire. They laugh and giggle together, they have learned the art of couch wrestling, they have burping and farting contests (no joke), and water gun fights in the backyard. They encourage each other, support each other, cheer for each other and stand up for each other. My daughters also have a wonderful stepdad who embraces them each day with love. He isn't their daddy but that's okay...he isn't trying to be. He is a loving example of a husband and a father, the kind of man I hope they marry one day.

This week we'll be heading out of town for a family vacation...and while the thought of being cramped for 8 hours in a car gives me borderline anxiety, I know the memories we'll make as a family will be cherished forever...by all of us.

People have asked me if I feel conflicted writing on our "divorce" blog even though I'm remarried...and the answer to that is no. Marital status doesn't define me, and it shouldn't define you, either. I hope my stories and truths can be a source of encouragement...even if the thought of dating again makes you want to puke (I totally get it!).

Life is a journey filled with ups and downs, victories and defeats...I'm doing my best to hang on for the ride. As I was looking through our wedding pictures last night this particular image really struck a chord with me...maybe it's because we're hanging on to each other as we walk down the path...maybe because it looks like he is leading me, and I am holding back. Symbolically there is probably some truth in that. Getting married again is scary. Blending a family is scary. But I do know when you hang on tight and keep moving forward things have a tendency to work out.

Maybe you're in a stage of hanging on, or maybe you're in a stage of letting go. There's only one piece of advice I feel qualified to give in this moment...and that is to never let go of yourself.

Full Circle

Last weekend we celebrated Memorial Day. The kids wrapped up yet another school year, and summer officially began. For most people Memorial Day represents celebrating those who sacrificed their lives for our country, sandwiched between backyard barbeques, a marathon of pool, lake or beach time, and the first sunburn of the season.

For me, Memorial Day weekend reminds me of the beginning of this crazy dream my newfound friend Valerie and I had...one of writing a book, sharing our stories, and helping the women of this world navigate and survive the process of divorce. Exactly 4 years ago this Memorial Day weekend we packed up our kids, stuffed Valerie's car to the brim, and headed to Destin for a trip to the beach. Our ex husband even let us borrow his portable DVD player so the kids could watch movies (I swear, I couldn't make this up if I tried!) The ex-wives were going on vacation and nothing was going to stop us!

So off we went...my first trip as a single mom. But I wasn't alone. Valerie and I channeled our inner Thelma and Louise (minus the convertible and bar hopping scandals) and the adventures began. I made fun of her granny-like driving...she made fun of me and my neurotic tendencies when my 2 year old had a full blown melt down in the sand. We laughed, we bonded, and best of all, our hearts joined together in this mission as we began the sketches of what would be our book, The Ex Wives' Guide to Divorce.

I will never forget this trip, in fact I reflect on those few days we spent together and smile. We had no idea where this little dream would lead us, but in that moment we became a team. I held down the fort with the kids (while they were dripping in popsicle juice and tracking sand through the condo), while Valerie ventured to Target. She returned with color coordinating binders (hers shades of green, mine shades of pink), fancy pencils, paper, highlighters, and of course, color coded divider tabs for what would be the beginnings of the chapters of our book.

When I checked TimeHop (I have a serious love/hate relationship with this app), this picture popped up. It brought tears to my eyes. How could it possibly have been 4 years ago when it seems like just a few weeks ago? I remember this trip, and this picture in particular, so clearly...then all of a sudden I felt old. Where had these 4 years gone? An entire range of emotions overcame me, almost like a tidal wave.

Later that night as I was opening my mail, I noticed a package on my front doorstep. I opened it up and couldn't believe my eyes. Our dream,our mission, our vision, our BOOK...everything we had worked so hard for for 4 years was finally IN. MY. HANDS.

And all of a sudden I realized exactly where those 4 years had gone. This particular moment is by far one of those "a-ha" moments I will remember forever. Tears of joy streamed down my face as I held our book in my hands...the Friday before Memorial Day weekend. Exactly 4 years after our adventure began, we now prepare to start a new chapter of sharing our dream with the world.

I took this picture just minutes after opening the package because I couldn't contain my excitement. This moment was full-circle at its finest.