there's no crying in Christmas...said no one ever.

I decorated the tree this year with tears.

Yes, that's right. While the kids were delicately placing their favorite ornaments among the pine needles, singing their hearts out with the Pandora Christmas station, I slipped away to my bedroom to cry.

I might need to rephrase this for the purpose of authenticity...

I wasn't crying. I was sobbing.

The worst part? I really didn't know WHY I was crying. When my sweet husband realized I was falling apart he gave me the deer in headlights look..."What is going on? What is wrong? Why are you so upset?" 

Bless. His. Heart.
There was nothing he could do.

My heart was flooded with emotion. Childhood memories raced through my head, nostalgic traditions and flashbacks of previous years...disappointments and feelings of sadness...missing my family and wishing we could all be together...they all hit me like a MACK truck. It was like the perfect storm.

But these tears weren't just for me...I had feelings of sadness for our kids. For the pain I know they feel and the tugging on their hearts during this time of year. The frustration of having to spend Christmas Eve/Christmas going back and forth between mom and dad, never getting to just chill at home like the rest of their friends. They didn't ask for divorce. They didn't ask for two separate homes or step parents. Thankfully our children have adapted well (we have 4 combined), but I know it's hard for them. It was hard for me and my parents got divorced when I was 18.

That, girlfriends, is what we call mommy divorce guilt.

It's been over 4 years since my divorce, but the little things still get me sometimes. Like finding an ornament we picked out together, or hearing a song that reminds me of our family...before it was broken. Seeing my daughter's "My First Christmas" ornament and realizing that she's almost 10...and this just might be the last year she believes in Santa.

My "moment" lasted for about an hour. I just had to get it out. I am abundantly blessed. I truly love my life, my husband, our family, and the home we have created together. Truth be told, I am happier now than I have been in a really really reaaaallllly long time. So among the sadness were also some happy tears : )

I share this with you today for 2 few reasons...

1. I promised myself I would always be authentic and transparent with our readers and our audience...even if that makes me vulnerable.
2. If my story can help someone feel less alone, less hurt, or give them hope then it's worth it (same reason why Valerie and I wrote The Ex Wives Guide to Divorce).

I want to encourage you, girlfriends, to embrace your tears (whether they are sad ones or happy ones), and remember that this is only a season. Whether you are in the middle of a divorce, facing a divorce, or perhaps a few years out like me, remember you are not alone.

I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas...and cheers to a new year!

Much Love,

Holiday xo

Carving Up Thanksgiving

As all of us get ready to devour turkey, stuffed with Prozac to avoid family fights {just kidding but a really good suggestion below!}, and clink a glass full of everything we are grateful for this year, I would like to send a special toast to those of us that will be carving a little more than our fine de-feathered feast.

Being divorced or in your "not-so-typical" family situation seems to leave some of us 

anything but thankful for the holidays.  

Remember when you were younger and would fight over who got the chance to pull the wishbone from the turkey? It was sheer agony having to watch it dry out, high above out of reach on the window sill over the kitchen sink, just begging us to pull it, alllllll day longgggg.  Because I grew up in a large family we would draw names who the lucky two would be that could pull {or let the other person pull - that was a pretty good strategy} for glory and bragging rights that you were in fact the "lucky one" for the next 364 glorious calendar days.

Well now image that same tugging, but this time the winner gets their lucky in the form of time with their children or other family members.  The "unlucky" other person is left with being alone or scrambling faster than the turkey probably about to sit on your plate to find an invite somewhere so they're not spending it alone.

Personally, I typically fall in the second category.  The scrambling turkey.  

During my divorce, my Ex and I were careful to carve out a plan for our young son to spend every other holiday alternating between Mommy and Daddy.  The first few years were gut-wrenching and took quite a bit of getting used to.  If I was lucky enough to have my son with me, family seemed to now have the impression because I was no longer a "couple", holidays could be redefined to travel or spend them with their in-laws families.  Minus the Thanksgiving spent by some of my family at my house fresh off my tumor removing surgery where I was truly thankful but in a different kind of way,  my young son and I were pretty much on our own.  On the other hand, if my young son was with my Ex, well then there I was, a scrambling sobbing on the inside turkey, trying to find a friends Thanksgiving to crash.  

Whether holding the fat or skinny side of the wishbone, 

I was losing my thankful for the holidays.

Then about three years into my carved up Thanksgiving came the invite.

The invite to a close friends condo in Florida.  Their family had just suffered the loss of two of their patriarchs and was pretty much on their own as well.  Even though they were a "typical" family of mother, father, young daughter and son - suddenly and sadly their traditional Thanksgiving spent with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins was gone. 

So they decided to have a thanksgiving full of "adopted" family members to share in their blessings at their little slice of beach heaven.  

There we were... all of us.  Middle aged having lived most of lives having traditions as our pillars,  standing in the rubble of divorces and loss of family.  With the choice to wallow in it or move on and re-build what a thankful and happy holiday meant to us.  

And as I scramble this year like a turkey again, my scramble has changed.  It's a three years in a row scramble to pack my suitcase so I can drive as fast as I can {or the speed limit allows me} to our re-defined tradition.  This year will be an even luckier and thankful year as my son is with me, yes it's a "Mommy" year.  

Will this new tradition last of spending it with friends and new friends who all have found themselves on their own?  I hope so.  Because this new tradition has all of us regaining our thankful.

But if it doesn't... well then I will once again remember the holiday season is about being hopeful and counting our blessings not based on what one "normally" does one day out of the year, 

rather devoted to everybody and everything that keeps you breathing the other 364 days of the year.  

I would be lying if I said I didn't miss the double leafed table overflowing onto a well dressed folding table set up for little ones, at my old traditional Thanksgiving.  The drunk Uncle.  The screaming sibling {oh wait - was that me?}.  Grandparents playing poker into the wee hours as the grandkids all sneek back into Grandmas small kitchen full of large plates of leftovers and half eaten pies for a fourth trip.  But my new tradition, although filled with not as many people {or pies} is filled with just as much love.  And maybe just a quarter of the drama.

After the dust of the rubble of whatever crumbled clears, having the desire and the willingness to re-define what you are most thankful for in the end is the true blessing.  Happy Thanksgiving!

xo, Valerie {of Valerie and Holiday - "The Ex-Wives"}

The Dream Machine

My husband gave me a new alarm clock for my birthday last week. There were several other gifts that I loved, but this one kind of rocked my world.

"Finally you won't have to smash the buttons anymore...AND you'll be able to see what time it is!" He was grinning ear to ear, proud of this gift, knowing this was something I had needed for a long time.

I hesitated.

Yes, my alarm clock had seen better days. Yes, sometimes the buttons called for back up reinforcement (thank you very much Sharpie pen cap). And yes, the digits on the little screen were getting hard for me to read in my old age...but I haven't had the heart to part with it.

I invested in the Sony Dream Machine in the summer of 1997 just before I headed off to college. I used my graduation money because I knew better than to ask my parents for a $100 alarm clock. I chose this one because it had a digital screen AND I could either wake up to the buzzer OR music. Bonus: I didn't have to guess what station it was on because again, it was digital, and I had total control. Score.

The Dream Machine has been next to my bed for 19 years. At times I've joked that this alarm clock is the one thing that's been with me for almost my entire adulthood (if you can count college as adulthood?!) Even my favorite pieces of jewelry haven't stuck around this long.

I think the look on my face gave it away...was I ready to pull the plug on the Dream Machine and replace it with a shinier, newer model? I felt conflicted. It might sound silly, but clearly I have an emotional connection to this alarm clock.

Memories flooded my heart...good ones and bad. The best moments of my life have been witnessed by this alarm clock, along with moments when my heart was breaking into a million pieces. The Dream Machine woke me up on the day my parents got divorced, the day I graduated from college, they day I packed up my life and moved to Georgia, my first day of school as a teacher, my wedding day in 2005, the day I started my own company, the day I become a mother, the day we buried my mother in law, the day I realized I was having a nervous breakdown, the day I knew I had to leave my marriage, my first day as a "single mom", the day I surrendered my life to God again, the day I felt like I could finally breathe again, the day we signed our book deal, the day I met my {now} husband Clay, the day I fell in love again...I could go on.

The Dream Machine has been through 19 years of dreams with me...some have worked out better than others. While I have grown through the tears and the joy, this little black box has stayed the same.

I had a completely different post planned for this week's blog, but for some reason I felt led to share this instead. Is it crazy to feel so connected to something that just plugs into a wall? Are my sentiments random and crazy or is there something in your life you've held on to, solely for the memories it holds?

I pulled the plug on Friday night. A shiny new alarm clock with big digital numbers and fancy buttons now sits next to my bed. I am ready to embrace this next phase of my life, finally letting go of something that I've held on to for so long. I know the next 19 years will be filled with wonderful new memories as I continue to dream.

As for the Dream Machine? I've retired it to my office...because it still works and you never know when you'll need back up :)

To Tear... or Not to Tear...

To Tear... or Not to Tear...

That is the REAL Question

Especially when you are Fall cleaning your storage area / garage.  

With your 8yr old son.  

On one of the most beautiful sunshiny days of Fall break he would "WAYYYYYY rather be doing anything than this Mommy".  

{I did not test him on that, but I should have.}

As many of you know, besides being a writer, I am also an Organizer / Personal Assistant.  So here goes the very unprofessional confession...  I hadn't fully unpacked, sorted, purged, done anything remotely resembling organization with our storage area since I had moved in last year.  I literally just closed my eyes while I typed that so I couldn't see the look on your cyber face.

Everything just sitting there in closed boxes, mysteriously labeled in layers of black sharpie on the top of dented box after weathered cardboard box that had sadly been used one too many times moving in the last five years since my divorce.  None of it really the stuff I needed, I did unpack those boxes {insert golf clap in 1 - 2 - 3}, however the things I didn't need or didn't want inside the house were all shoved into corners around the perimeter of our "fake garage" as I had called the storage area.

Most of them sad little shells of a box that was once neatly labeled "Guest Bathroom" that had sloppily been crossed out with an almost-dry Sharpie.  Another label boldly written half-way over it clearly rushed with forceful handwriting labeled "KITchen" now XX out. And a third time written in upperhand letters, appearing as if the ink was almost willing it to stick this time - "OFFICE".

That's mostly what our "fake garage" contained.  The unwanted and unused of my past married life.

I had grown tired of moving, and clearly unpacking the items I just didn't want to remember.  Sure there were huge reasons why I kept having to move my young son and I from house to house like a lost carrier pigeon.  The Big D, I was incredibly sick, and because the people I was renting from to re-establish myself after Divorce wanted to sell and didn't accept my offer.  

My past on parade.  And I simply did not want to face it all in Kodak's finest color bleed glory, especially because I believed I had moved on and risen above it all.  Big time.  In big band fashion where the cymbal had already come crashing down.

But even in moving on and having "dealt" with it - there are certain parts I believe you should take all the time you need to let it sit in disarray although packaged nicely, because you just don't care to have it under "control"...

Oh say something like all my memories from the walls and shelves of my marital house, I brought my baby home to, sitting in dusty crumpled U-Haul triple taped boxes.

The home I

Never.  Ever.  Wanted 

to leave.

Besides the memories I wasn't sure I was ready to look at, were box upon sagging box of the DIVORCE stuff that one is advised to and has to keep.  Because hello!!!  It might bring bad energy if it is actually kept inside our homes filed away neatly, and there was no way I was riskin' that!!!.  

- Filing papers.  {Yuck}

- Versions upon versions of separation agreements.  {A few had scribbles of choice words that still make me giggle}

- Binders I had made for logs and proof.  {Part of the inspiration for The Ex-Wives Guide To Divorce!}

- All the old financial paperwork I killed a tree or six, gathering to copy to turn in to my attorney to determine my financial fate.  {Okay... so I killed a forest, but it was a small one and I promise to replant}

Now all that was easy to eyeball and sort through and re-organize now.  Because all of these items, if needed to ever dredge up again, where waiting for me tabbed, sorted, and ready to wow even Martha Stewart.  Those were the items that elicited NO emotion from me.

However the box with photo safe paper gently cradling the old carefully chosen 8x10 matte snapshots of our no-longer family....  Well that I hadn't been ready to look at, UNTIL NOW, five years later, as I knew a geyser of emotions would bubble from deep within.  All of it, laying unstirred in the only box that had NOT been re-packed and re-labeled or opened during all the moves.  The box that had been used only once, covered on each side with thin sharpie letters in dark black, saying "Photos - NOT to Open".

The photos I distinctly remember asking myself when packing the first time...  To Tear, or Not to Tear.

When packing that small sized box, I knew I was at that point there was just no going back.  I tried, more than most ANYBODY I know would have tried to save our marriage with the circumstances I was dealing with.  Gut wrenching, keep you awake all night that no amount of reallllyyyy expensive eye cream can fix.  I tried.  Both the saving of the marriage and the pricey eye cream.  Neither worked.  {Or gave me my money back now that I think about it?!?}

So why didn't I tear or cut or both those photos originally?  Well because my Father had walked away from our family when I was 10 during my parents divorce and I just didn't or wouldn't imagine a world for my son without both parents just "in it."  Even when I was in the thick of the divorce.  SO I PUT DOWN THE SCISSORS, and packed this box gingerly.  Not knowing what life would hold for my son {or myself really!}, but knowing it would not be a life with torn pictures of his past in it.  

Because for something to have a future it has to have a starting point, 

and although it was not the most ideal, 

it was in fact my son's starting point.

All these shiny happy family photos staring me down, thanking me I didn't tear them up, so my son could look back some day.  TODAY in-fact.  Knowing that despite it all - he was a product of a type of love and had a family that was worth framing at some point.   The marriage photos?  Well I saved a few for my son {also in this time-capsule of happy family charade} and admittedly burned a few.  But that was therapeutic.  Very very very therapeutic.  Probably made me a better Mommy.  Definitely made me a better Mommy.

As I went to close the box, my son walked in after spending 20 minutes getting me more water {stall tacticts at it's finest} and asked me what I was looking at.  I held up this old photo and told him bluntly "Old pictures of our family."  He walked faster than I had seen him move all day since the start of the cleaning, and grabbed the top photo eyes wide open, mouth cocked to the left. 

This photo of us on the beach as the Shepherd Family in Australia right before the "crash".  My son just shy of 2 years old.  Staring up at the heavens above, as if they were pouring all the light and love into his little body to prepare him for what he was about to face.

My son, still in awe that his convictions deep down inside he did once have a traditional family confirmed, said "Mommy - can I put some of these in my room or give them to my baby some day?".  The more sensible side of me wanted to say well that will be a long time because you're not dating until you're 30, but the more sentimental side of me kept my eyes down but replied "Of course my Little Bee." 

He then asked me if I remembered all of these pictures and did I know they were "lost" in here?  And I did the one thing I hate to do to my son... I lied.  Well except when I eat his Halloween candy - lying is totally allowed then.

I lied for the same reason I did not just tear up the pictures in the first place.  Because telling the truth or destroying pictures wouldn't be exactly helping honor those old memories and his starting point.  And if there is one thing I do want to do for my son, well it's honor those memories that brought him in and up in a world he felt {and still feels} nothing but love.

So although we urge you when going through the "Big D" {Divorce} to get your head quickly out of the sand and help build your own dream sand castle sans Prince Charming, it's okay by me if you have a memory thing or two boxed up and locked until you're ready to face it.  

We ALL have a box or two that we need to save until we're ready.

Because most times we find buried treasure in the sand {or "fake garage"} and although you might not want or need it after all in your life, at the end of the day it is still treasure to someone.

Love, Valerie {and Holiday}

Houston...you ROCK!

We all have them...friends who say they will pull through for you, but when push comes to shove, the request, favor and/or "hook up" ultimately disintegrates into excuses...to avoid an awkward friendship moment the person requesting the favor politely forgets and said friend continues to push off the inevitable...it just ain't gonna happen.

Not this time.

Four years ago I sat down with my friends Yvonne and Randy during a conference in Dallas, TX. They invited me to their room for some wine and cheese, and I arrived with The Ex-Wives' Guide to Divorce proposal in hand. Our book was in the beginning stages and I knew they would give me honest feedback.

After reading through it, Randy's exact words were, "This is awesome. Call me when you get published. I'll hook you up in Houston."

Fast forward four years. The Ex-Wives' Guide to Divorce launched August 16, 2016. My call to Randy went something like this: "Randy...hey, it's Holiday. Our book is out. I'm pulling the favor card."

Randy did not disappoint. Flights were booked, appearances on multiple television spots, magazine interviews and local bookstore appearances were scheduled. Not only that but his amazing wife Yvonne escorted us around town in her PINK Escalade. Yes, I said PINK.

on the plane...Valerie was rockin' the hat :)

Yvonne and Randy opened their home and rearranged their lives for us for 3 days. They chauffeured us around Houston at ungodly hours of the morning. They worked countless hours to make sure this trip would be seamless AND beneficial. Valerie and I were blown away by their generosity. These people are the REAL DEAL.

Our trip to Houston was surreal. This was our first taste of the media, especially with our exciting television debut on the Great Day Houston show. Deborah Duncan was a dream host, engaging with us AND extending our time spot on the show. As Valerie and I were sitting side by side in our chairs on set we glanced at each other and smiled...this was the moment we had been waiting for. Our chance to share The Ex-Wives' Guide to Divorce with the world (okay...it was only Houston, but still...we were seriously excited!). As chance would have it, we met some fellow ex-wives in the green room who were also part of the show...proof that we aren't the only ex-wives who are also friends.

Green Room selfie!

LIVE on the air!

After the show Deborah came to the green room to chat with us...she is the coolest chick ever!

Following Great Day Houston we were whisked away to Fox News Channel 26. Our interview was fast and furious, and we got a taste of what a real news room was like.

We {heart} Fox News!

We rushed out of the newsroom and headed to a local Starbucks to meet the beautiful Maggie Gordon, a reporter for the Houston Chronicle. Our interview with Maggie lasted a little over an hour and then we were off again.

We ended the day with a book signing/appearance at the River Oaks Barnes and Noble. We signed books, took pictures, and even enjoyed a chocolate croissant on the house. Ahhhh...the perks of being published authors : )

Autographing copies...dream come true!

Pic for our goal posters...Bestseller wall!

On Friday we visited the Lance Roberts Show on iHeart Radio, and let's just say we didn't even need coffee to enjoy their company at 5am! We had a blast sitting in studio, chatting and having a ball with these guys...we LOVED being on radio (the no-makeup or fancy outfit was also a plus seeing how we were basically sleepwalking).

After the radio show we headed over to the River Oaks Bookstore. Can I just say...this was the GREATEST. BOOKSTORE. EVER. Charming, quaint, and absolutely perfect in every way (just like the one from the movie You've Got Mail with Meg Ryan). The owner of 44 years, Jeanne, welcomed us from her rocking chair, offered cookies and refreshments, and showed us to a table they had so graciously prepared with stacks of our books, ready to sign and sell. Valerie and I visited with guests who arrived for pictures and autographs. We were mesmerized by Jeanne and her ability to welcome each guest by name, personally recommending books for them based on their previous purchases.

hanging with Yvonne before our book signing

We wrapped the day up with a bow, having a celebratory dinner on the deck of a fabulous restaurant, ordering "one of everything"...it was the perfect way to end a perfect day.

On Saturday we were guests on Randy's radio show, Gardenline. By 6am we were on-air, taking questions from call-in guests and dishing out advice for those facing the big D.

Randy in his element!

We LOVE iheartradio!

The trip to Houston was a whirlwind...we learned so much on this first leg of our media tour...most of all, we are thankful for incredible friends who made it HAPPEN. So to Yvonne and Randy...THANK YOU! We know this is just the beginning of our journey...we are so grateful!

xo Holiday & Valerie
P.S. Click here to watch our Great Day Houston television interview with Deborah Duncan!

An open letter to Angelina Jolie Voight Miller Thornton Pitt

An open letter to Angelina Jolie Voight Miller Thornton Pitt:

Hi Angelina.  You might not know me, but I’m Valerie, one of The Ex-Wives from the book The Ex-Wives’ Guides to Divorce. 

See I too have several last names thanks to marriage and ultimately divorce.  However all of my last names began with the same letter {Valerie Johnson Sanford Smith Shepherd} and yours did not.  So essentially I got to keep my monogrammed towels.  And you did not.  But you have an airplane and speak in front of UNICEF and raise 6 kids – so you might actually have the better end of that bargain when we get to Heaven.  Okay… if I get to Heaven.

My co-author Holiday and I really felt the need to write you, as fellow Ex-Wives’ and all.  Especially with you filing for divorce from the name that shall not be mentioned.  No, not Voldemort silly, we’ll just rhyme it for informational purposes for the rest of this letter.  Fad Sitt.

See, when you dated Fad Sitt for a decade and adopted / birthed / conjured up 6 beautiful little souls during your courtship we were rooting for you.  Family's come in all different shapes and sizes these days, and we're down with that.  As mothers ourselves we know what it’s like to take care of one or two children, so now factor in six and we just knew how bad you wanted to drink every night.  But it seems Fad Sitt was drinking all your alcohol.  Yikes.

So as you face the beginning stages of divorce here are our best pieces of advice 

that can be found in our book The Ex-Wives’ Guide to Divorce.   

We would love to send you a copy of our ultimate divorce organizer and planner personally, but we don’t know “your people”.  Shocker I know, especially since we just met Beyonce at iHeart radio in Houston on our media tour.   See our proof, I mean pic below.  Instead we’ll just give you the link here to our website and if you our your peeps email us we’ll be sure to pop one in the post to your new swank bachelorette / single mom of 6 pad in Malibu.  www.exwivesguide.com.

 

Traditionally some of our bestest advice contains nuggets like “Get your head out of the sand!”,  “Hiring an attorney is not an option if you have childrenssssss!!” {added 6 s’s for you on that one}, and “Develop a budget where you won’t have to depend on your soon-to-be Exes income!!!”.  But it appears you already have all of those handled.  And by handled, we mean bulldogging it by the horns, which is a cool new term we learned this week on our Houston, TX leg of our media tour.  Bulldogging is defined as:  “a rodeo event in which a horse-mounted rider chases a steer, drops from the horse to the steer, then wrestles the steer to the ground by grabbing its horns and pulling it off-balance so that it falls to the ground. The event carries a high risk of injury to the cowboy.”  Or in your case Angie… to the cowgirl.

But fear not cowgirl mommy of 6 little calves!!!  See below some of our best takeaways from our book The Ex-Wives’ Guide to Divorce.

 TOP 5 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR ANGELA JOLIE VOIGHT MILLER THORNTON PITT:

1.     Be Better, Not Bitter.  Yes, you read that right.  It is sooooo easy to go down the bitter HOV speedlane.  But don’t.  Please don’t.  If you don’t, we know all of America will break back out the “Team Angie” and "Team Jolie" t-shirts tucked away in their memory chests next to the smashed up Friends episode VCR tape.  We know you’re pissed about what happened on the plane.  We know you want to kick him where it counts because of his rumored marital vow breaking behaviors.  But don’t.  Please don’t.  Focus on being and creating a BETTER you {and world} instead of focusing on him.  Highlight and share what you’re doing to make lemonade out of lemons instead of chucking yellow citrus at him so he can suck it via the press.  Your future self will thank you for it.

2.     Surround yourself with people that will help you navigate the shark infested waters of divorce and get you to safety.  Avoid those who will poke holes in your lifeboat and try to drown you.  Now more than ever you will need your friends who have your back.  Or Assistants.  Or whatever fancy people have.  In our chapter “Choose Your Crew” we highlight the type of friends you will need to lean on:  Fun Friend, Safe House Friend, Straight Shooter Friend, Listener Friend, and last but not least an In The Weeds Friend.  All of these type of friends will help bring something to the double leafed table {you know with all the kids you have}.  Your Straight Shooter Friend “will not only let you know when you’re heading for a ride on the Crazy Train, but will slap the ticket out of your hand and drag you out of the station.”  Something tells us you will definitely need one of these friends.  And if you're taking applications we would like to apply.

3.     DON’T drag your children into your feelings of anger.  Keep those mama bear instincts intact and protect your kidssssss.  Trust us, we know there will be a time when you’re flying in a top hair dresser to get you all gussied up for some World Relief Fund banquet honoring you, and Fad Sitt will pick up the “6 Pack” a little over 3 hours late, speeding up to the security iron gate call box, on a freaking motorcycle instead of the 8 now 7 passenger van like he should be.  You’ll want to strangle him.  You’ll want to break out the ol’ vile of blood round your neck and add a little more to it.  All in front of the “6 Pack” Fad Sitt might or might not have already drank.  But don’t do it Girlfriend.  Just call Enterprise (they rent vans you know!),  and they’ll drop it off in an hour flat.  We’re sure the kids would be happy to just play Ultimate Frisbee {7 player game} on your sprawling front lawn until it shows up.  And you can high tail it out the minute your security squad frisks him and gives him a breathalyzer to get your glam on instead of making your children feel an ounce of your frustration.

4.     Divorce is a legal transaction, not an emotional transaction.  It is to be treated like a business, not like a fresh perfectly ripe for a decade of highlights Jerry Springer episode.  You wouldn’t show up to a board meeting with high ranking International delegates crying or screaming or dropping A-bomb worthy shockers of what is going on in your personal life with the sole intention of destroying everything and anything in your path.  Endless clips of he said she said is not allowed in the board room {or in people’s living rooms}.  Rather, you would walk in like the #girlboss that you are, sophisticated, composed, and focused on improving your life and the lives of others {aka the “6 Pack”} and show that not only do you and your people have their S#%T together, but you mean biz’ness.  Save the emotions for when you’re back at the Bachelorette / Single Mom of Six Malibu Barbie Pad.  Then you can lose it behind closed doors in the panic room or something, anything away from the kids.  Or you could come to Atlanta for a weekend and we promise to make sure you have the bestest ever GNO where you can vent about Fad Sitt, and we’ll make voodoo dolls of him, and create a girl power throughout divorce mix CD for you with a custom circle label, and we’ll all wake up with Taco Bell wrappers on our nightstands {okay that might just be us} because what happens in the ATL stays in the ATL Angie!

5.     Keep your expectations in check.  Yes you actually have the money to drag this out and make life h-e-double hockey sticks for Fad Sitt.  But although he might or might not have made some bad parenting choices, do you really deep down inside feel he is of clear and immanent danger to the kids?  We’re not saying just shrug and say, o well, let’s just hope he lays off the “booze, sex, rock and roll baby - yeah!!!” while with our children.  Rather we are saying set and enforce realistic boundaries, but think ten years from now will our kids benefit or bereave not having their father in their life while growing up.  {AKA massive counseling bills in the future x 6}

We really do wish you, and any woman facing something as difficult as a divorce the happily ever after most of us are eternally in search of.  And just remember…  This too shall pass.

xo, Love The Ex-Wives'

Full Circle...and back again.

"Could you please address these books to Sarah and Melissa? One of them is going through a divorce, and the other one is about to, she just doesn't know it yet..."

I sat at the table, preparing to sign these books, when it hit me like a train. I had goosebumps, my eyes flooded with tears, and a wave of gratitude washed over me. In that moment I realized our journey had come full circle...the words we had written had the potential to change someone's life. To encourage them, to inspire them, and to give them the strength they need to live each day, amidst divorce, heartbroken and filled with fear. The words written from our hearts had power.

Oprah may have called this an "ah-ha" moment...I have since named it a "Thank you, God" moment. Thank you, God, for giving me the opportunity to share my story, and most of all, use my experiences as a platform for encouraging other women.

Last week I got a call from a friend of a friend. I have only met this woman twice, so it was a surprise to get a call from her. After the small talk she revealed her real reason for contacting me. She had just been served with divorce papers from her husband of 19 years. She was heartbroken, terrified, and defeated. "I have tried everything, Holiday, and I just don't know what else to do...He wants nothing to do with me, he won't even talk to me, and he has had a girlfriend for 4 years. I don't want a divorce...I just can't imagine my life without him."

Tears were flowing. For both of us.

As I listened to her story, my heart sank. While I couldn't relate to all of the details of her situation, I knew her feelings were real. The fear in her voice, her unconditional love for her husband (even knowing he has a girlfriend...WHAT?!?!) She was a fighter. She didn't want to give up.

"Holiday, I just feel like I'm in the twilight zone... I'm reading your book and I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of a nightmare, like I will wake up and it will all be over. I just can't believe this is happening to me...what am I going to do?!"

I could relate. There were several times during the process of my divorce I felt the same exact way.
To make matters worse, every book I attempted to read to "help" me figure things out was depressing and nearly impossible to understand (hence why we wrote The Ex-Wives' Guide to Divorce).


During our conversation I felt convicted to share some truths with her. I also gave her some homework. She needed to seek professional counseling and hire an attorney. She needed to put her big girl panties on and get her emotions in check. She needed to surround herself with people who love her. She needed to reconnect with her faith, and allow God's grace to cover her.

Friends, we won't always have the answers or the solutions...but we will always have each other. As Ex-Wives' it is our responsibility to love each other, encourage each other, and remind each other there can be light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

Our experiences in this life are moments we collect over time. Regardless of the paths we choose these moments come full circle. While the pain of divorce may never go away, we can embrace the journey and use it for good...till death do we part.

Why Write A Divorce Planner? {With Your Exes Ex…}

Writing a book is wonderful – putting something out there that is thought provoking, thought releasing, thought anything is a dream come true for any writer at heart.  Now combine all of that and add in a dash of “much needed” and you have The Ex-Wives’ Guide to Divorce.

Exes to the same man, both Valerie Shepherd and Holiday Miller knew there was a hole in the market despite there being a huge need.

Valerie distinctly remembers the first time she googled “Divorce Planner Book”.  She was starting the proceedings of divorce and felt beyond lost.  And we all know hell hath no fury like a woman who doesn’t know what comes next…  Because she trusted her wedding planner to get her down the aisle, she thought she would again find a tool to clue her into everything she needed to prepare, keep her on task, fill her in on what to expect, and give tips on how to survive the emotional roller coaster lying ahead this time for divorce.

And you know what?  Hardly any results surfaced for an actual book.   

Almost nada, 

nilch, 

none.

All of these advertisements popped up for professional Divorce Planners, divorce party planners {which of course she saved that link}, but no real results for an actual divorce planner book. 

So then she popped on over to Amazon thinking for sure she would find hundreds of divorce planners appearing page after page in eye popping colored book jacket photos on the screen in front of her.  But again, about a handful of actual divorce planners written by attorneys and psychologists in a legal and factual / depressing / I’m going to eat another pint of ice-cream tone.   

Not one shiny happy cute cover so I might actually want to read this planner 

by somebody who has been through it and survived divorce and is here to help you as well.   

Yes, we’re currently looking into getting a TM on that phrase. 

Although planning for divorce would not be as happy and shiny as a wedding planner, it would certainly help any woman get to a happier and shinier future for her about to be single self if she could just get organized. 

So then Valerie typed in the search bar on Amazon Wedding Planners, just out of curiosity.  And guess what…  Over 16,000 results populated!!!  Yes, divorce planner yielded about 70 of which maybe 4 or 5 were actual divorce planners / organizers and wedding planner produced over 16,000 books in print.  Something had to be off here.

Fast forward a few months to when Valerie met Holiday {her Exes soon-to-be Ex #2} and Holiday noticed Valerie had made her own binders just as she did to help navigate divorce.  This got the two Ex-Wives’ thinking.  Why was there nothing out there for women facing, contemplating, entering, or in the middle of divorce?  Where was this missing MUCH NEEDED tool?!? 

Flash forward a few months even further to a beach trip the two of us took with the kiddos {Valerie’s son and Holiday’s two girls}.  One fateful night during our quick getaway we started talking about how far we had both come thanks to the help of each other, and the planners we essentially made ourselves.  And eureka!!!  The question came quickly…   

Why don’t we write and create  

the book we wish we both had during our divorces 

to help women successfully navigate divorce?

Call it paying it forward.  Call it making lemonade out of lemons.   Call it whatever you want to call it but we both suddenly felt charged to help the millions of women out there that deserved not only a friend to hold their hand during this tough time, but guide them down the path to a successful divorce.  And if it saves women some time, money, or sanity while putting a smile on their face…  Well then we will consider it a huge success.

xo, V and H

When life gives you lemons...you should totally have a party!

There are 3 words that come to mind when I think of this past week.

Dream. Come. True.

For four years Valerie and I have poured our hearts into our book, The Ex-Wives’ Guide to Divorce. After years of writing, editing, victories, set- backs, and everything in between, we finally held the finished product in our hands. On Tuesday, August 18^th the Ex-Wives’ Guide to Divorce was officially released to the entire world. Clearly this called for a celebration.

We met in the Barnes and Noble parking lot, popped a bottle of champagne (side note:  Valerie almost blinded me as the cork went flying into the air and proceeded to hit a parked car), and toasted each other with a matching set of kiddie cups. Thanks to iPhone video we can relive this hilarious memory as often  as we’d like.

Our adventure in Barnes and Noble that day was surreal- thank you Nicole for snapping these shots of us!

Hello, Barnes & Noble...here we come!

Visualizing (and crossing our fingers!) we will be on the BEST SELLERS shelf soon!

 

The celebration continued on Thursday at our official launch party, because if you know Valerie and I you know we will ALWAYS find a reason to throw a party. 

The theme? Turning lemons into lemonade!

Thanks to Valerie’s INCREDIBLE AMAZING AND CRAZY GENEROUS FRIENDS (I really could go on and on about how awesome they are), we were able to host an over-the-top launch party at Naylor Hall in downtown Roswell. I have goosebumps just thinking about the time, money, and HEART that went into this party. Sunny, there are absolutely no words to describe how thankful we are for you and your generous gift. We are forever grateful to you.

Beautiful Venue? Check! (Sunny and the Naylor Hall crew…THANK YOU!)

Valerie and Sunny sporting their super cute lemon aprons

Open Bar? Check! (Thanks to Sunny we even had a signature Ex-Wives’ cocktail… pink lemonade with a twist, of course)

Awesome Bartender with a heavy hand? Check! (Thanks Brandon)

DJ? Check! (Thank you Hal Mealor from Halcodj.com)

Gorgeous (and delicious) Cake? Check! (Thank you Sweet Caroline’s Cakes)

 

Yes that is a CAKE! Amazing, huh?

Professional Photographer to save us from only having iPhone pics? Check! (Thank you Nicole from Nicole Stephens Photography)

Note: the pillows in the background say "Happily Ever After"...we couldn't agree more!

Yep, we even gave away sunglasses...because girlfriend, your future is BRIGHT!

 We had a beautiful party but the truth is this: without YOU this party would have meant nothing.

You, our readers, our fans, our biggest supporters…Our friends who drove hours and hours, hopped on planes, paid babysitters, left work early, dragged your kids along because your sitters cancelled, rearranged your entire day just so you could be there for us, showed up early to help set up (ASHLEY!), and stayed until the last piece of trash was picked up…YOU, our friends who have supported us from the very beginning, breathing belief into our dream and encouraging us when we wanted to give up. YOU, our friends who have loved us unconditionally no matter how crazy we get, no matter how close to the cliff we get, you always seem to walk us off. YOU, our friends, who finally stopped asking, “So when’s the book coming out?” because you knew it was eventually going to happen and TODAY WAS FINALLY THAT DAY.

Thank YOU for celebrating this victory with us. It meant the world to us to have all of you there, and for those that weren’t able to make it, we know you were there in spirit.

Toward the end of the evening Valerie and I grabbed the mic and dedicated a toast to our guests. We also took a minute to honor, compliment, and thank each other. Valerie’s words filled my heart with love, and in that moment it hit me like a ton of bricks. God had placed this woman in my path for such a specific purpose. Yes, we had both been dealt a serious bag of lemons, but instead of wallowing in the sour we came together and made some seriously sweet lemonade. As I stood next to her I did my best to hold back the tears. Because although part of me felt like this day was symbolic of an “end”, I know in my heart this is just the beginning.

So today we raise our glasses, filled to the brim with sweet lemonade, and toast each other. To the good, the bad, and the really sour lemons…the Ex-Wives’ adventure has just begun.

xoxo Holiday