The truth is this: blending hurts. After all, who wants to be dumped in a plastic pitcher with razor sharp knife blades and get turned on high until everything is mixed together perfectly? No thanks.
Going through the process of divorce, dating again, and now, being married again, has been quite an eye-opening experience. Through this journey I have learned so much about myself...I have even become aware of many faults {gasp...I am sooo far from perfect}.
Moving into the role of stepmother completely rocked my world...and not because they aren't amazing kids (because I really couldn't have asked for better "step" kids)...but mostly because somewhere along the line I lost my identity. It's like you're a mom, but not really...and you're a friend, but not really...and then you're somewhere in limbo and have absolutely no idea what will happen next (think the Mad Hatter's Tea Cup ride at Disney World)...Again, nothing can really prepare you for the role of stepmother...you just have to dive in and keep swimming.
And just when you think you can't take it anymore, something magical happens...
They tell you they love you. They show an act of kindness. They give you a hug or cuddle with you on the couch. They open up to you or confide in you. They say a prayer for you. They may even take out the trash without being asked or empty the dishwasher just for fun (okaaay...maybe that's pushing it...) And just like that all the pain, all the hurt, all the tears, the frustration, the feelings of defeat...all of it disappears. And in that moment you are reminded of all of the GOOD that comes from this painful process known as blending.
Our "blended" family has given me so much more than I could have ever experienced on my own. My daughters have a big brother and sister they look up to and admire. They laugh and giggle together, they have learned the art of couch wrestling, they have burping and farting contests (no joke), and water gun fights in the backyard. They encourage each other, support each other, cheer for each other and stand up for each other. My daughters also have a wonderful stepdad who embraces them each day with love. He isn't their daddy but that's okay...he isn't trying to be. He is a loving example of a husband and a father, the kind of man I hope they marry one day.
This week we'll be heading out of town for a family vacation...and while the thought of being cramped for 8 hours in a car gives me borderline anxiety, I know the memories we'll make as a family will be cherished forever...by all of us.
People have asked me if I feel conflicted writing on our "divorce" blog even though I'm remarried...and the answer to that is no. Marital status doesn't define me, and it shouldn't define you, either. I hope my stories and truths can be a source of encouragement...even if the thought of dating again makes you want to puke (I totally get it!).
Life is a journey filled with ups and downs, victories and defeats...I'm doing my best to hang on for the ride. As I was looking through our wedding pictures last night this particular image really struck a chord with me...maybe it's because we're hanging on to each other as we walk down the path...maybe because it looks like he is leading me, and I am holding back. Symbolically there is probably some truth in that. Getting married again is scary. Blending a family is scary. But I do know when you hang on tight and keep moving forward things have a tendency to work out.
Maybe you're in a stage of hanging on, or maybe you're in a stage of letting go. There's only one piece of advice I feel qualified to give in this moment...and that is to never let go of yourself.
I want to thank Dr.Agbazara for his job in my family, this is man who left me and the kids for another woman without any good reasons, i was pain and confuse,till one day when i was browsing through the internet with my computer then i saw Dr.Agbazara contact, then i contaced him and he help me cast a reunion spell, since I then the situation has changed, everything is moving well, my husband who left me is now back to his family. reach DR.AGBAZARA TEMPLE via email if you have any relationship problem at:
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