When life gives you lemons...you should totally have a party!

There are 3 words that come to mind when I think of this past week.

Dream. Come. True.

For four years Valerie and I have poured our hearts into our book, The Ex-Wives’ Guide to Divorce. After years of writing, editing, victories, set- backs, and everything in between, we finally held the finished product in our hands. On Tuesday, August 18^th the Ex-Wives’ Guide to Divorce was officially released to the entire world. Clearly this called for a celebration.

We met in the Barnes and Noble parking lot, popped a bottle of champagne (side note:  Valerie almost blinded me as the cork went flying into the air and proceeded to hit a parked car), and toasted each other with a matching set of kiddie cups. Thanks to iPhone video we can relive this hilarious memory as often  as we’d like.

Our adventure in Barnes and Noble that day was surreal- thank you Nicole for snapping these shots of us!

Hello, Barnes & Noble...here we come!

Visualizing (and crossing our fingers!) we will be on the BEST SELLERS shelf soon!

 

The celebration continued on Thursday at our official launch party, because if you know Valerie and I you know we will ALWAYS find a reason to throw a party. 

The theme? Turning lemons into lemonade!

Thanks to Valerie’s INCREDIBLE AMAZING AND CRAZY GENEROUS FRIENDS (I really could go on and on about how awesome they are), we were able to host an over-the-top launch party at Naylor Hall in downtown Roswell. I have goosebumps just thinking about the time, money, and HEART that went into this party. Sunny, there are absolutely no words to describe how thankful we are for you and your generous gift. We are forever grateful to you.

Beautiful Venue? Check! (Sunny and the Naylor Hall crew…THANK YOU!)

Valerie and Sunny sporting their super cute lemon aprons

Open Bar? Check! (Thanks to Sunny we even had a signature Ex-Wives’ cocktail… pink lemonade with a twist, of course)

Awesome Bartender with a heavy hand? Check! (Thanks Brandon)

DJ? Check! (Thank you Hal Mealor from Halcodj.com)

Gorgeous (and delicious) Cake? Check! (Thank you Sweet Caroline’s Cakes)

 

Yes that is a CAKE! Amazing, huh?

Professional Photographer to save us from only having iPhone pics? Check! (Thank you Nicole from Nicole Stephens Photography)

Note: the pillows in the background say "Happily Ever After"...we couldn't agree more!

Yep, we even gave away sunglasses...because girlfriend, your future is BRIGHT!

 We had a beautiful party but the truth is this: without YOU this party would have meant nothing.

You, our readers, our fans, our biggest supporters…Our friends who drove hours and hours, hopped on planes, paid babysitters, left work early, dragged your kids along because your sitters cancelled, rearranged your entire day just so you could be there for us, showed up early to help set up (ASHLEY!), and stayed until the last piece of trash was picked up…YOU, our friends who have supported us from the very beginning, breathing belief into our dream and encouraging us when we wanted to give up. YOU, our friends who have loved us unconditionally no matter how crazy we get, no matter how close to the cliff we get, you always seem to walk us off. YOU, our friends, who finally stopped asking, “So when’s the book coming out?” because you knew it was eventually going to happen and TODAY WAS FINALLY THAT DAY.

Thank YOU for celebrating this victory with us. It meant the world to us to have all of you there, and for those that weren’t able to make it, we know you were there in spirit.

Toward the end of the evening Valerie and I grabbed the mic and dedicated a toast to our guests. We also took a minute to honor, compliment, and thank each other. Valerie’s words filled my heart with love, and in that moment it hit me like a ton of bricks. God had placed this woman in my path for such a specific purpose. Yes, we had both been dealt a serious bag of lemons, but instead of wallowing in the sour we came together and made some seriously sweet lemonade. As I stood next to her I did my best to hold back the tears. Because although part of me felt like this day was symbolic of an “end”, I know in my heart this is just the beginning.

So today we raise our glasses, filled to the brim with sweet lemonade, and toast each other. To the good, the bad, and the really sour lemons…the Ex-Wives’ adventure has just begun.

xoxo Holiday

Launch Week Back to the Look in her Eyes

This week is a big week for us Ex-Wives.  

It's finally here!!!  8.16.16 the OFFICIAL RELEASE DATE OF OUR BOOK
The Ex-Wives Guide to Divorce!!!

Wait... let's rephrase that - LAUNCH WEEK OF OUR BOOK!!!  

Wait one more time... FOUR LONG YEARS OF OUR HARD WORK, UNLIKELY FRIENDSHIP, TEARS, FEARS, AND MISTAKES IN OUR PAST WILL FINALLY BE IN PRINT AND RELEASED TO ALL OF YOU IN AN EFFORT TO HELP YOU NOT MAKE {HOPEFULLY} 

THE SAME MISTAKES WE DID!!!  

{Hard to squeeze that one in a tag line but probably the most accurate.}

I confided to Holiday that I was finding everything pretty hard emotionally with getting ready for our release.  Which is crazy, because you'd think I'd be stretched out relaxing in a luxe cabana on the turquoise blue beach found only on Cloud 9 of course, with my name on the back printed in gold cursive reserved for the ENTIRE month.

However I'm feeling roller coaster emotions mostly like when I was getting divorced.  Where one day you wake up on top of the world!  And you almost high five yourself because damn girl you're strong and resilient and you did it!!  Like the feeling you get when running through a field of fresh daisies on a perfect spring morning in this seasons must have Anthropologie dress!!!  {I have never done this but could only imagine it would be the most ultimate feeling in the world akin to celebrating a big accomplishment.}

And then BOOM.  

Something catapults you emotionally back to where it all started.  

Like needing to find pictures in your 10,000+ library of photos 

around when you and your co-author first connected.  

A seemingly should be fun task that has you in tears and wanting to vomit 

because naturally you start looking at all the other pictures around that time. 

And by around that time I mean during our divorces.

As I clicked my left arrow and right arrow slowly across my events in iPhoto - I couldn't help but feel a giant knot in my stomach.

Sure there were sprinklings of good memories, but overlaying the happy were also the many"bad memories" that only I could or would be able to recognize.  From the outside these perfectly filtered captured moment appeared like life was normal as usual.

That picture of my son sitting in my lap at Thanksgiving during my divorce?  Well as I choked back delicious turkey and not so delicious tears at my sister's neighbors house, what you don't "see" or know is my son was technically supposed to be with my Ex.  But he was with me, and his Dad was running very late, oh and I threw up a couple times that day because I was just a little upset to put it mildly.  

And that picture of me with Holiday and our kiddos on a Memorial Day trip to Destin on the beach?  

Well although we look incredibly happy, and the kids were grinning ear to ear {except during nap or bed time, that was mostly not happy} and we really were having a super time, neither one of us had ever dreamed our futures would hold trips without our children's fathers and us being divorced.

And although you don't "see" it - it showed. 

I think what saddened me the most, and regretting that I ate two lunches that day I had to dig up old photos this past week, was that I knew I had seen that look on Holiday's face before.   Looking like she's trying to have the time of her life but it's plain as day in her eyes...  that "It was supposed to be different" look.

And if I'm being honest, I had seen it long before our Memorial Day trip photos {where the idea for our much needed The Ex-Wives Guide to Divorce planner was born!}. The very first time she reached out to me on Facebook I noticed it. She and my Ex, her then husband, wanted to reach out and say hey because we had some mutual friends.  Being 7 months pregnant I was feeling the love everywhere - so normally I might not have said "Sure Ex husband and your 2nd wife who looks super nice and cool - let's connect!!!".

I remember quickly scanning those pictures Holiday had all over her FB wall, normally reserved for stalking an ex or his girlfriend or wife or whatever, but here mine was legit because we were actually FB "friends" and they initiated it!.  Their new amazing house, them on the same pontoon boat with my Ex's family I had been on just ten years before, their growing family with beautiful girls.  The pictures with Holiday and her girls were magazine worthy.  The picture with Holiday and our Ex though told a much different story.  At least to me.

Just like my many photos that seemed like everything was fine, I could see that LOOK in her eyes...

THAT ONLY A WOMAN WHO HAD BEEN THROUGH THE SAME THING 

OR HAD BEEN IN SIMILAR SITUATIONS UNDERSTOOD...

That look of I should be happy because I have the family I always wanted but this is not the life I think I should be living.  Things are not right.  Things are not as perfect as I'm pretending they are.  Things are not as they should be not just in my mind but in my heart.

But I'm going to smile, cradle my little girls, link my arm around my husband, and pretend it is.  

At least for this shiny happy picture.

So when Holiday finally reached out to me at the beginning of her divorce via Facebook message, saying I might be "the only person that might possibly understand what I'm going through", well I already understood.  And not just because I too, had divorced her husband.  But because I had witnessed for the couple years we had been Facebook friends the look in her eyes.

Other ex-wife or not, you NEVER want to see a wonderful woman go through pain, 

or lose the dream you know she had of having a forever family.  

Especially when you knew you lost yours as well.

Hopefully this week during the release of our book, we can start filtering and posting photos of two women who came together {despite an unlikely beginning} hoping to make a brighter future for not only ourselves, but for the many other women out there that are having to create a new vision of what their life will be.  Just like we did.

And if we just spare one of you from making mistakes or feeling unnecessary pain, 

while giving you a Girlfriend to have by your side,

well then we shall consider our book a success - New York Times best seller list or not.

{Although p.s.: We really hope it is!!!}

Love, Valerie {Ex-Wife #1}

ORDER YOUR COPY HERE!  https://www.amazon.com/Ex-Wives-Guide-Divorce-Everything-Heartache/dp/151070406X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1471301475&sr=8-1&keywords=ex+wives+guide+divorce

Meet the Ex-Wives!

Well, HELLO!

Over the past few years we have happily increased our audience and welcomed many new followers to our blog and website. If you're a new reader or just now hearing about us we thought we'd take a few minutes to re-introduce ourselves. We can't wait to meet you!

We are the Ex-Wives…also known as Holiday & Valerie. We’re tall blondes that share a passion for writing, a gift for gabbing, and...an ex-husband.

Yes, really! Our unique friendship began after we both married and divorced the same man!

It didn’t take long for us to become close friends; more like sisters. It was during a Memorial Day weekend getaway with our kids that the dream of a book was born. Yes, we went on vacation together, and it just so happens our ex-husband let us borrow his portable DVD players AND gas card just to ensure proper entertainment for the children and worry-free gas expenses.

So, WHY did we write The Ex-Wives’ Guide to Divorce?

It’s simple.

We wrote the book we WISHED we had had during our divorces.

At the time we connected as friends, Valerie was in the process of her 3^rd divorce and Holiday was just beginning her journey. We compared notes, color coordinated files, and beautifully designed worksheets to help keep us organized and on track…we created our own personal “divorce binders” because let’s face it, we had wedding planners to get us down the aisle, but when it came to divorce there was NOTHING out there. We googled our little hearts out but the only results we found were legal, depressing, and quite frankly, aesthetically unappealing books. Divorce is depressing enough, the last thing you want to read is an ugly book filled with doom and gloom…no thanks!

It didn’t take long for us to realize something that inevitably changed our lives forever…

Women all over the world needed what we had.

Aside from the organizational tools, Valerie had extensive experience with the actual divorce process, including attorney interactions, mediation, and financial disputes. She took Holiday under her wing and guided her, ultimately saving her from making numerous mistakes…not to mention thousands of dollars.

Above all, we realized how important our friendship and “ex-wives bond” was.  We encouraged each other, walked each other “off the cliff”, and helped each other see the glass of lemonade half-full. Neither of us had friends who were going through divorce, so we understood each other. And if there’s one thing we’ve learned during divorce it’s this: friends who “get” you are priceless. If you ramble on to your attorney and have a meltdown over your soon-to-be ex the only thing you’ll get in return is a big fat bill….hello, $200/hour.

It’s been just over four years since beginning this journey together, and we are proud to announce the launch of our book, TheEx-Wives’ Guide to Divorce, this month. Our mission has remained the same since day 1: to help and empower women as they navigate through what may be the hardest time of their lives, encouraging them to find their “happily ever after”...with or without a husband.

Stay tuned, girlfriends, for more from the Ex-Wives!

Valerie (ex-wife #1) & Holiday (ex-wife #2)

Q and A's - Round 1

As our book nears it's release date {hurry hurry August 16th!!} Holiday and I have been bombarded with a ton of questions lately.  Sure we've been doing some interviews and putting some nuggets out there for PR and promotional purposes, however personally I'm getting several "I actually have to stop and think about my answer" type questions from people I've known for quite some time.

Q and A sessions that have left me vulnerable and soul searchingly honest in a way I never dreamed I'd be capable of.  And I swear alcohol or wine wasn't even involved in like 95% of those conversations!!!  I've been explaining the things that my friends just assumed, and never really asked.  Maybe out of respect of not wanting to make me feel uncomfortable, or maybe because they just didn't want to know!  {Sometimes not knowing is better - TRUST me!}  However our book release seems to be giving them the green light to fire away and challenge me to lightening rounds of really good Jeopardy approved Daily Double like questions.

In the past, when I'm asked uncomfortable questions about being divorced I normally come up with something funny and witty so that everyone can laugh and we can go back to focusing on the here and now instead of my not so stellar past.  ANYONE who has ever been divorced has experienced this as well.  It's how I came up with my saying "Always the bride, never the bridesmaid!"   Because when you're sitting at a dinner party and somebody asks if you are married and you say no I'm divorced or not any more, and then inevitably they ask when or how long ago - well to me life is best spent avoiding lying.  Especially to people we barely know.  So when I answer honestly {I don't want karma biting me in the butt anymore than it already has to!} that I have been married more than once, actually three times, then their eyes get huge, and their mouths drop open, and then everyone else that heard you is now staring, and then well you get creative.  My saying puts them on notice that not only am I clever, but I'm the type of girl who makes lemonade out of lemons.

Because isn't it sooo much easier if the burning spotlight on your past mistakes 

can just move over a few feet or so onto something way more deserving... 

Like how amazing are these little wieners in a blanket I just ate ten of 

and isn't the weather just ahhmazing tonight?!?  

Then the ol' lightbulb went off... What if these well intended, thought provoking, almost probing like questions about my past were being asked more out of concern then wanting to drill me since they were coming from good friends well after the point these kind of questions should have been asked?  I got the pretty clear feeling it was as if my friends knew Holiday and I were going to have a spotlight on ourselves shortly, and there would be no moving it with a witty comeback or two.  It's as if they were thoughtfully prepping me for the onslaught of judgement and assumptions that come with being divorced more than once and actually CO-WRITING A BOOK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR FIRST EX-HUSBANDS SECOND EX-WIFE and admitting it to the world loud and proud and in print.

My past mistakes - poor choices, poor decisions, and poor expectations - well they don't scare me. 

Not sharing them so that I can help save others from the pain and heartache I've experienced?  

Well that did scare me.  

So I'd like to highlight a few of the Q and A Round 1 questions I have been asked.  Because if any of you ever find yourself getting similar questions - I'd challenge you to also be straightforward and honest instead of witty and humorous  all the time {or sassy and emotional - please don't be that except with your bff's!}.  Because maybe by being raw and vulnerable one day we'll take away the judgement and stigmata that so often unfairly comes with being divorced:

Q - Are you afraid that after your book comes out everyone will come running to you two for advice?
A - Damn we hope so!  Actually they already are and have been for some time!  Isn't that what we're here on Earth to do - help others if you've already been through something tough!
Q - Aren't you afraid that after everyone comes running to you for advice they'll blame you both if they get divorced?
A - We don't advise people to get divorced.  We advise them to really think about what the root of their marital problem is, exhaust every effort to fix it, and if that doesn't work then move forward in an organized, head held high and firmly on kind of way.  If their spouse is abusive - well then we tell them to run as fast as they freaking can and if we get blamed for that advice I think we as well as  99.999% of people out there would be okay with that.
Q - Why have you personally been divorced so many times?  You seem so normal.  {Definitely my favorite quote and question out of the bunch..}
A - I got married twice in my early twenties.  I was ill-equipped to understand what marriage entailed having a father that was cruel and abandoned my siblings and I during my parents nasty divorce.  I also watched Days of Our Lives way too much - great example of what to do if demons ever took over my body but bad examples of drama and fighting.  I married men that had some issues at that time - I was in to fixing the wounded bird who just needed extra love and they'd be mended and perfect and take flight and love me forever. {Holy freaking naive would be pretty accurate.} Instead of fixing others I should have focused on fixing myself.  I think it's fair to say I had my fair share of issues as well back then, largely in part with never feeling like I was enough or worthy of love.  Even though I always came off incredibly confident I was actually incredibly insecure.  So by having someone say they loved me and that they wanted me to be their wife made me feel like maybe I wasn't all that bad.  My third marriage completely shocked me with how and why it ended.  I thought I was better equipped to mean and say my vows... but that didn't necessarily mean my husband was.  There were definitely red flags everywhere both before and during my marriage, but I found ways to ignore them and get angry about every little thing so I could sweep the big things under the rug for the sake of not losing my dream of having a family and raising my child with both parents unlike I did.  All three of my marriages proudly made me who I am today.  And I have the most incredible son and co-parent pretty well {note this took 5 LONG years and learning to let go big time}.  And btw - "normal" is only a setting on a washing machine.
Q - Do you slam men and your ex-husbands in your book?
A - No way Jose.  And why would we want to do that - our book is about empowering women and has very little to do with their, or our, ex-husbands.
Q - Since you've been married three times and you co-wrote a book about divorce, does this mean you don't believe in marriage?
A - I've been married three times.  Clearly I believe in marriage - otherwise I would never have gotten married.  Although all of my marriages failed - I really do believe in the fairy tale and all forever kind of love and union.  It may not be as shiny and glittery and only reserved for the one and only soul mate I once thought it to be, however I still believe in a happily ever after for those who put in the love, work, and commitment that goes into a marriage.
Q - Will you or your co-author {Holiday} ever get married again?
A - Holiday is happily re-married.  Both her husband and her marriage are keepers.  Me?  Well if I've ever learned anything in life it's to never say never.  I will admit, I'm incredibly happy being single these days.  Some days I miss having someone to do sweet things for, or share intimate moments with.  But love is love is love - and I've got a lot of it to give and a lot of it to share with the people in my life - with out without a title of Mrs.
Q - Do you give advice in your book how to screw your soon-to-be Ex?
A - No and Yes.  No - we don't advise you to screw your Ex.  Especially if you have children.  You want their other parent to be as emotionally and financially stable as possible.  In our experience if your Ex is happy they will pretty much leave you alone and let you get on with your happy self!  Yes - we do arm women with the kind of advice, tools, and information that will most likely help you end up with a more favorable outcome.  You will learn that an actual "legal divorce" has no room for being overly emotional - you will have your s#@t together and this will help you save money, time, and sanity.  So although this is not technically screwing your Ex, you will certainly have a few ace cards up your sleeve after reading our book!

Life... it's all about paying it forward.  So that's what Holiday and I are doing.  We're not telling women to get divorced.  We're not telling women to screw their ex-husbands.  We're not telling women that marriage sucks.  And we're certainly not bashing any men or our ex-husband(s).   However we are charging women that if they do find themselves in the process of divorce - they should get organized are realize they are NOT alone - we're here to help!  And I think that's the one answer to my friends Q and A's that will last WELL beyond Round 1.

Love, Valerie {of The Ex-Wives}