Top 10 Reasons You Need a DGDD (divorced girlfriend during divorce)

Married friends are great. They’ll deliver dinner casseroles, pray for you at church, and send their husbands to help after your attempt to hang a picture resulted in drywall catastrophe (who knew the Kindergarten diploma frame was soooooo heavy?!?!)

Sure, married friends are wonderful, but they just don’t get it.

Married girlfriends definitely don’t get it.  Don’t get me wrong…they will try. They will try really, really hard…but at the end of the day they haven’t been divorced. While Mr. and Mrs. Jones are happily enjoying their “ever after” you’re barely hanging on by a thread.

I’m gonna give you a little sneak peek into the brain of a newly single woman in the midst of divorce, specifically during a moment of crisis:

Friend: Girl…it’s okay…you’re going to be just FINE.

Divorced/single chick: REALLY? How do YOU know?

Your sweet friend will continue the conversation with encouragement and support. Instead of biting her head off, you keep your thoughts to yourself…and your thoughts probably sound something like this…

Bless. Your. Heart.  You don’t have a clue…while you’re at home roasting a chicken I’m pouring over bills, wondering how I’m going to pay them. While you’re whipping up a crafty Pinterest project with your toddler I’m freezing my ass off because I can’t afford to turn the heat on. While you’re complaining about your husband, I’m wondering who the heck is gonna rescue me in the middle of the night, God forbid the BOOGIE MAN ever shows up.

{BREATHE}

{BREATHE AGAIN}

Yes, your roasted chicken is delicious and I would absolutely love to take you up on the offer of bringing me dinner…and congratulations, you put Martha f*$#%ing Stewart to shame and I’m sure your child will grow up to be brilliant…and as for that husband of yours, he really is awesome and I seriously hope one day I can find a man just like him…

Girlfriend, your efforts don’t go unnoticed, and I really, really appreciate them…but here’s the thing…

You just DON’T GET IT.

So, without further adieu…I give you to my top 10 reasons you need a DGDD.

*I dedicate this list to my personal DGDDs, most importantly, Valerie. I could not have survived this without you : )

10. She won’t let you sit at home alone. If you refuse to leave your house she will pack up her crap (and her dog) and come spend the night with you. She will also bring wine and carbs.

9. She will be your partner in crime (I’ll let you define crime, here). If your DGDD is single and lives close by then you’ve pretty much hit the jackpot. And may the Lord have mercy on whatever city you live in.

8. Retail therapy is proven more effective when partnered with a fellow reckless spender. Designer denim is completely justified…think of it as an investment in your future (hello, free drinks).

7. When you hang up the phone with your ex and want to scream, cry, and/or punch a hole in the wall, she’lll be the one to walk you off the cliff.

6. After your first attorney bill arrives (and you faint) she will instantly suggest freezing your credit card in a block of ice to prevent any further reckless spending (she knows this works because hers is buried at the bottom of her freezer).

5. The new guy you’re dating? He’s fab according to her…because she knows the best thing for you right now is a male distraction. She’ll also be there when you decide to break up with him because she knew all along he wasn’t right for you.

4. She’ll hold your hand when you cry and your hair when you puke. You’ll do the same for her…no questions asked.

3. When she calls in tears, distraught and unsure of what to do, you’ll realize you’re really not alone in this journey.

2. She'll make lemonade with your lemons...even if that means busting out the Beyonce "Single Ladies" dance moves to make you laugh (possibly on top of a coffee table).

1. Even after you’ve moved on from the divorce stage and into relationships (perhaps even your next marriage), your bond will be something only the two of you can understand. It’s the sisterhood of divorce. A sisterhood that only we, women who’ve been through it, can truly understand.