Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time I had a neighbor. We'll call her Sally, just for fun.

Sally lived next door to me, she had two boys, a husband (we'll call him Joe) and a dog. Our kids were close in age so we would typically chat on the sidewalk, supervising bicycle accidents and standard cul-de-sac shenanigans. Nothing too personal, just generic friendly neighbor chat.

I'll never forget the Halloween Sally and I got to rrreeeallllly know each other. Her husband had taken a group of kids around the neighborhood on a hay ride (mine included) and we were left hanging on the front porch together. Conversation was flowing naturally, and then she dropped the bomb.

"Joe doesn't want me hanging out with you...he's afraid you're going to convince me to divorce him."

I was completely shocked. What??? Did she really just say that? Yes, yes, indeed, she did. Then I realized something I had been oblivious to before...

I was "the one"...the token neighborhood single girl who had the guts to leave her husband, file for divorce, and move on with her life. On top of it all, I was in the process of co-writing a book about helping women survive and navigate the divorce process. My strength and courage intimidated this man. What a shame.

At that time I knew nothing about their marriage, but the thought of him intentionally keeping his wife from me was somewhat concerning. Time passed and I got to know the real Sally. She opened up, shared her heart, and was completely vulnerable with me. I think I was the only person in the world who didn't judge her for the truths her life was. I was the unconditional friend who could listen without judgement, the one person in her world who could possibly understand what she was going through.

Truth be told, her husband was extremely abusive and controlling (shocker), and after their move across town into their "dream home" filled with fancy furniture and all the fixins, she finally got the guts to walk away.

Newsflash, Joe...her decision to leave you had nothing to do with me...in fact, the truth is I encouraged her to stay. I prayed for her. I prayed for YOU. I encouraged her to seek counseling, to go to church and to dig into her Bible...I even shared my dating disaster stories with her, in hopes that she would see the truth...the grass is not always greener.

When I tell people I have co-written a book about divorce the initial reaction is "ohhhhhhh..."Like it's a hush-hush kind of thing. I've gotten used to this reaction, especially living in the south where the word "divorce" is just as bad as dropping the f-bomb.

The truth is this...just because we wrote a book about divorce doesn't mean we're running around town telling women to leave their husbands. If anything we are encouraging them to do the work to try and save their marriages.

Our goal in writing The Ex-Wives' Guide to Divorce was to HELP women not only survive the divorce process but recognize there can be some light at the end of that really dark, scary tunnel. Is the tunnel full of rainbows and unicorns? Absolutely not. But nothing in life is.

xoxo Holiday