Romancing the Past

Have you ever found yourself thinking about the “good old days”? I hope I’m not alone when I say I have a tendency to romance the past, completely bypassing the harsh truths of reality. I could present the perfect picture of how I gracefully moved on from my ex husband, never shed a tear, and didn’t look back. But that would be a lie.

It could be a song on the radio, an old picture found buried in my desk drawer, a birthday card, or a simple email that will trigger memories of my previous “marital bliss.” Confession: I had to break up with a particular Yankee Candle scent because it was depressing me. Yes, really.

These moments stop me in my tracks. I get choked up, cry, and sometimes even have a mini meltdown. If it’s a picture, chances are I can remember the day it was taken. If it’s a song, I’m probably remembering that time we danced at {insert name here} wedding or party, or whatever it was.

Valerie and I joke about this, but I really think it’s true. We’re professional red flag ignorers. This means we see the best in people. We want to believe what you’re telling us. We want to believe you will do what you say you’re going to do. We even ignore the giant red flags and somehow manage to romanticize how wonderful things used to be. Maybe it’s a chick thing, maybe it’s a human thing. Whatever it is, it sucks.

Over time I’ve gotten better about this (indeed, time heals all wounds), but in the beginning stages of our separation/divorce, this was a constant struggle for me. Nobody warns you about these little mini reminders, and in a way nothing can really prepare you for them.

My one piece of advice for any of you going through it is this: stop torturing yourself. Steer clear of the Yankee Candle store if it’s gonna send you into a funk. Be prepared to cry, remember the moment, and then remember why you are moving on. Don’t romance the past, and don’t ignore the red flags. There’s a reason you’re where you are right this moment, so embrace it, own it, and put those big girl panties on. There is a life ahead of you. A good one :)

xoxo, Holiday