Today's post is my attempt to keep it brief, keep it focused, and impart the biggest lesson I learned from all (yes… all - you are not reading that wrong…) of my divorces. And this lesson isn't just for those dealing with an unfortunate time, such as divorce, but as a loud reminder to us all about where we have been and where we are thanks to the tick toc tick toc of the clock. So don't be fooled into thinking just because I am writing "less", that I don't mean "more". And don't be fooled that just because I am declaring I am writing "less" I am actually going to do that.
Recently I have been receiving a tremendous amount of phone calls from friends of friends (of friends), or running into people randomly, all fresh into contemplating or entering the process of divorce. They all seem to have the same deer in headlights (some about to get hit by a Mac truck going 90mph on I75 in the middle of the night) that I did just a few short years ago. I find it somewhat odd the universe has been steering these people my way, and also somewhat flattering. It reminds me of the profound purpose we all have to help others.
Yes, our one goal with everything we do with The Ex-Wives Guide platform is to share our experiences and knowledge while putting a smile on your face. If we can save you an ounce of pain we ourselves were forced to survive, well then we have done our job. If you laugh with us or at us, well then that's just a big fat bonus.
But what I am learning is that when somebody is so hurt, so tortured at the time, and so utterly lost, sometimes it's my job to just listen. And in listening, I must stand strong to show them by living example the greatest lesson in life for all of us, and not just when it comes to divorce:
Time. Does. Heal…
It does. I promise. It is the absolute one thing I know to be true in life besides my love for my child, friends, and family. Oh yeah, and my love for shoe sales and gnomes also.
Three years ago today I was caught in the newly forming tornado of "discoveries" about my marriage and my financial situation. I was in the stage of "What / Where the hell am I… Why am I in this tornado… And why do cows and cars and debris keep flying into me… Just let me land!!!!"
Two years ago today to say I was being sucker punched left and right would be putting it mildly. The tornado had not landed yet, shrapnel was still swirling and I along with it, while constantly having the wind knocked out of me screaming "I can't breathe… Just let me land!!!"
One year ago today my divorce had been final for about 6 months and I was in surgery having a life saving operation on a tumor on my pituitary gland in my head. The tornado had finally stopped, and the double wide along with me had indeed finally landed. No, I was not in Kansas anymore. I had found myself in both a new reality and new "home". But yes, I had been dropped with my ruby slippers still intact.
Today I sit here writing, perfectly healthy, able to look at the beautiful birds outside my kitchen window as I type. A far cry from sobbing endlessly on the sofa during the day until my ex would come home three years ago, ranting for hours on the phone with my attorney how none of this was fair two years ago, and continuously praying for just one more minute of life so I could see my little one's smile one last time in the event it was in fact my time last year. Yes… Time does heal.
So when I pick up the phone at 9:00pm tonight from a scheduled call a friend of a friend asked me if I could take to talk about her impending divorce (I'm assuming) I will listen. Not only will I listen but I will remind both her and myself that although she is spinning around the vortex right now, there will be sunny skies ahead and ruby slippers to click again.
When and how will she reach healing? Not sure… But as the hands move and the days pass, I know this will be gifted, and I know this as a fact as she figures out where her "home" truly is. And I think she will find, she was home all along as long as she believes in herself and the healing power of time.
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